


I Guess I Can't Help It

by satirnine



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ancestors as Parents, Angst, Background Cronus/Kankri, Beaches, Braces, Brothers, Collegestuck, Exile, Family, Flashbacks, Headaches, Humanstuck, M/M, Mituna's Accident, Multi, Past/Minor Cronus Ampora/Mituna Captor, Polyamory, Pre-Accident Mituna, am i allowed to update tags, food is life and karkat will kill for it, i hope so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-15 13:15:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4608132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satirnine/pseuds/satirnine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan was never on land for very often. But his kingdom underwater made him. And when he refused to ever return to land, he is booted right from the kingdom. He is banned from the waters, making him have to live on land. And the person who bumps into him in his sad and homeless state is the one and only Sollux. With the self-insertion of Karkat into his Life, Sollux and Eridan (and Karkat because you can’t forget the fucker) stumble through awkward problems with polyamorous relationships and shitty people living together. Akward little weirdos stumbling around in fluffy situations and angst. What else needs to be said?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Froyos.

It's weird. Having acquaintances that are fish-people — that almost sounds offensive — that is. Not so much that they are weird — one of them is — but more so they work so different. Me and my friends try taking them out to places and they have zero idea what to do. It's as if they don't have parties or restaurants underwater. Okay, that sounds really stupid. They obviously don't. They have a completely different culture under there. 

My name is Sollux Captor, and I have about 15 other friends — God I hate that word — all weirdos and idiots. But I still hang with them, because sometimes I have nothing better to do. The worst are the idiots who practically represent douche-bag. Everyone is different though, and some personalities clash greatly and some get along really well. I can't say getting along is my specialty. I just deal with them. I'm the computer geek, antisocial, lowlife — as certain people call me — with this stupid lisp and mismatched eyes. One is sort-of a maroon and the other is a dark blue. I always wear 3-D glasses and let my dark chocolate hair do it's thing — whatever the hell this is. I've got a bad slouch, thin features, and I'm pretty lanky. Not even I would consider myself attractive. And I don't really care, romance isn't my thing. Having a lover is the least of my worries.

All the others aren't currently important, except the fish humans shit whatever the fuck you call them jegus. The two fish fuckers — what do you even i cant you know what whatever — are named Feferi Peixes and Eridan Ampora. Feferi is pretty nice, and I may or may not have dated her for a bit. It was weird, trust me — she didn't know how dates worked. Eridan, oh ED, is the douche-fin. He's an utter idiot, a hopeless romantic, and just an- fuck I already used idiot. He always has these stupid plans to rid of all of us land-walkers. They all fail, of course, but none-the-less, it's stupid. He doesn't spend much time with anyone at all, except Feferi. And even Feferi is pretty much sick of him. Stupid hipster fish. He's just really fucking stupid. I could rant on and on about how utterly stupid he is, but I would also probably end up repeating myself too much. He's just that pathetic.

Anyway, moving on. I guess onto my current life.

Honestly, I'm not doing shit right now. I'm just pestering Karkat — the one with that Vantass — and making a code to fuck up someone's computer. It's always fun. As I was typing, my stupid cat jumped up on my lap and strutted over my keyboard. "loo what the fuck are you doiing?" I swatted him off, but then Sis came up. Why do I have two cats, this is stupid. The red tabby, Loo, jumped back up onto my chair, and Sis, a russian blue — they're both males, despite the names — jumped onto the other side. I sighed and slouched down even more. "ugh you guy2 want your 2tupiid honey don't you..?" Both of the cats mewed in unison, as if answering the question. I ceased pestering Karkat, and put my laptop on the desk in front of me. I got out of my chair and stalked towards the kitchen, both Loo and Sis in quick pursuit. I regret the one day I gave them honey. I was just enjoying it myself, when the two pesky beasts jumped up onto my table and watched me with intent until I shoved honey at them to get them to go away. They of course lapped up the honey, and now they expect it from me everyday. It's probably hella bad for them, but I only give them a small amount and it keeps them out of my hair. I don't think I would mind them getting fat and unhealthy if it meant they would be less active and just lay around all day.

As I set the small bowls on the ground with the small dollop of honey in each, I heard a knock on my door. I stopped for a minute and made a face at the air. I groaned to myself and trudged to the door. I swung the door open, and oh you have got to be kidding me. Those stupid kids doing their stupid ding-dong ditching. I went ahead and shut my door and walked out to go grab my mail. When I finally got to the mailboxes, I opened up mine and flipped through the envelopes. I shoved some of the mail that wasn't mine into the rightful mailbox and threw away the spam and junk, taking the important with me on my trek back upstairs. I barely made it across the lobby when my phone rang. I pulled it out from the band of my pajama pants and looked at the caller ID. Okay honestly? I was just pestering you not 10 minutes ago. I answered Karkat anyway, and prepared for the ear-shattering volume, continuing up the stairs. 

"HEY, DIPSHIT."

"ye2, kk?"

"WE'RE HAVING A MANDATORY FROZEN YOGURT MEET-UP. RIGHT NOW."

"ii wiill make 2ure to 2how up iin my pj2."

"WAIT, WHAT? NO. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. GET FUCKING CHANGED FIRST."

"how do you know iim even iin my pj2? are you a 2talker kk? are you watchiing me a2 we 2peak?"

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, SOLLUX. STOP BEING A FUCKING IDIOT AND JUST GET OVER HERE. FUCK YOU."

"you're my be2t friiend two, kk." And then he hung up. I dropped my arm down harshly, nearly snapping the phone out of my grip. I shoved it back in-between my pants' band and my hip, and trudged the rest of the way to my door and jerked it open. I really didn't want to get dressed. But hell, if it was for fro-yo, I was okay with it. I let my door swing shut behind me as I made my way to my room. I grabbed a red and blue t-shirt and some regular jeans, slipping them on and then going on the search for my mismatched shoes. I found them in the weirdest place — my bathroom. Why do I always kick them off in the most uncommon places? Whatever. I shoved them on, awkwardly hopping on one leg each time so I didn't have to lean down to tie them. I almost left before remembering my glasses, and grabbed them from my desk, then went back on my way to leave, twirling my keys around my finger. I exited the apartments and headed over to the parking lot. I would normally walk, but the commute to the frozen yogurt place would be a twenty minute walk, and by the sound of it Karkat was already there and is pretty impatient. I shimmied into my beat-up car and started the ignition, backing out and blaring the music for the ride.

As I pulled into the parking lot of the small parlor, I spotted Karkat leaning against his car, tapping his foot impatiently as he looked down at his phone he was currently scrolling through. He was hard to miss with his unmistakable mop of messy jet black hair. I noticed something about that mess that I needed to point out for him. I parked and got out of my car, and Karkat looked up towards my car, making an irritated face. I waved and he rolled his eyes, putting his phone in his pocket. He waited for me to walk over, and then crossed his arms. "TAKE YOU FUCKING LONG ENOUGH?" He hissed, pushing himself off his car. 

"oh 2hiit, ii forgot two giive a fuck about how iimpatiient you are." I smirked, my canines protruding out from under my lip. These fucking teeth are too long. He punched me in the side, grumbling to himself loudly. He hunched over, making himself even shorter. He didn't need to be any shorter, trust me. He only stood at 5'3, shorter than most everyone else. We walked into the small parlor, and I followed Karkat as he rushed his way to the register. The cashier waited until I got there — for some stupid reason. You know, what if I wasn't with Karkat? Eh. 

"Hi! What would you two like?" He asked politely. I nudged Karkat, whom I thought already had his answer. But he was looking at the selection really particularly. Woah, he's actually gonna choose something else other than his usual? I thought he was obsessed with Rocky Road. I went ahead and put my order first, going ahead and paying, telling the cashier it was separate orders. I took my delicious Mint Chip and slid back, letting Karkat step up. I went to lick my froyo and saw someone look at me weird out of the corner of my eye. I was quite a sore thumb — well, anywhere — with my 3D glasses, and licking fro-yo with a split tongue. All of my -cough cough- friends got used to it, but there were still those snobs who looked at me like I was a disease. Yeah, steer yo' children away, they'd be scared a this shit anyway. I grinned and wiggled my tongue making the said woman sneer in disgust. I would never be able to get a good job — ha.

I steered my attention back to Karkat, who had just finished ordering. "Is that all, er- ma'am." Fucking coins dropped. Ohhh shit. I went to grab Karkat's shoulder but he shook me off and glared the taller and stronger cashier down. I could see the dude practically shaking in his shoes. I kinda zoned out the yelling and waited until Karkat stormed out the door, fro-yo forgotten and unpaid for. I calmly lent down and picked up the coins he dropped, shoving them in my pants pocket. I pulled out my own wallet, and aware of all the eyes on me, I paid for the frozen yogurt and apologized for Karkat. I turned on my heel and strided outside. As the door closed behind me, I noticed Karkat in his car and walked over to it. I tapped on his window and grinned stupidly, making faces until I heard the car door unlock. I strategically placed both cones in one hand and jerked open the door, sliding in the small car, forcing my lanky legs into an awkward position. Karkat said nothing, just huffed and slid down farther into his seat. I nudged him with my elbow and offered him his cone. 

"FUCK- HOW MUCH WAS IT?" He asked, reaching for his wallet while also grabbing the cone. I swatted his hand away from his wallet. 

"iit'2 free for how the diick treated you" 

"DID THEY REALLY-"

"nope. iit'2 my treat becau2e fuck people." 

"FUCK, NO. SOLLUX I'M PAYING YOU BACK."

"nope."

"SOLLUX, GOG-DAMMIT-"

"2hoo2h. ju2t enjoy your fuckiing frozen yogurt." I snapped, smacking his hand harder when he went for his wallet again. 

"YOU'RE WORSE THAN A GRANDMOTHER." I snickered in response and went for my fro-yo again. We sat in almost silence — the radio was playing on a low volume — and just ate our delicious delicacy. It wasn't too long though, before someone tapped on my window. Karkat jumped out of his fucking pants, and snarled. "WHO THE FUCK-" He rolled down the window and there stood a smiling Feferi, her little ear fins fluttering. 

")(i guys! We thoug)(t we )(eard you!" She brushed her long bangs out of her face, grinning even wider. She's gonna split her face one of these days. 

"yeah you wwere pretty loud there kar" I heard the stupid fucking hipster voice say out behind Fef. Feferi turned towards the other merperson and swatted at him. 

"O)( hush, -Eridan!" She leaned back down and folded her arms on the open window. She probably had her fine ass — why the fuck do I always mention asses what is wrong with me — protruded out for the world to see. And Eridan would of course take the chance to adore the sight he was usually restricted from seeing. Karkat had to have noticed as well, so he ushered them to sit in his car. 

"GET IN THE FUCKING CAR BEFORE SOMEONE FUCKING MOLESTS THE BOTH OF YOU SHITHEADS." He unlocked his car again and the two climbed in the car, Eridan having the same problem with his long legs. Feferi sat in the back just fine with her petite form. She was a bit curvy while still small — perfect for spooning, but that's not important anymore damn I want someone to cuddle with fuck. "SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING OUT OF WATER?"

"O)(! -Eridan never )(ad frozen yogurt before so I just )(AD to take )(im!" The tan mermaid said happily, leaning forward in her seat, sitting on her legs. For every bit Feferi shifted closer, Eridan shifted back. Feferi was really excitable and friendly while Eridan was a bit more anti-social and hated anything to do with us 'land-walkers' (as he called us). He definitely looked like he would be someone stuck up, with his height and perfect posture. The way his chin was always elevated, always acting impatient. He was an insufferable prick who wore stupid clothes and looked like a 12 year old. He was sitting in his seat, attempting to be 'proper' or whatever. It doesn't work in a small car like Karkat's. We ended up just chatting about nothing in particular, just catching up or whatever, in Karkat's car for a while.

A certain conversation did pop up though. Eridan started going on about how underwater was so much better than land. Of course an argument started with two verses one, and Feferi occasionally pitched in, trying to just have everyone chill out.

"honestly you all are fucking ridiculous wwith all of your wweird transportation wwhy dont you just use the legs you fuckin mutated"

"WE ARE NOT FUCKING MUTATED, IF ANYONE IS MUTATED, IT'S YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT." (Never talk about 'mutations' or anything about being different around Karkat. He has his own secret he hides from everyone except me yeah fuck you)

"cod touchy kar"

"you're the a22hole who called u2 fuckiing mutated."

"wwhatevver"

"YOU KNOW, MAYBE IF YOU ACTUALLY EVER DID SHIT ON LAND YOU WOULD START TO FUCKING APPRECIATE THE FACT YOU CAN BE BLESSED WITH THE PRESENCE OF OTHER FUCKING SPECIES THAT ARE ACTUALLY FUCKING COOL WITH YOU AND AREN'T FUCKING TESTING ON YOU AND YOU DON'T GET FUCKING STRANGE LOOKS LIKE IT SHOULD'VE FUCKING HAPPENED."

"wwhy wwould i do that wwhen i can enjoy my life under wwater"

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF MY FUCKING CAR SO YOU CAN GO TO YOUT GOG-DAMN WATER AND LEAVE HUMANS THE FUCK ALONE?"

"i wwould gladly"

"-Eridan! You know we need to stay wit)( our friends!" 

"wwhat friends i dont see any fucking friends" Eridan snarled before leaving the car and walking off, presumably to the beach. Everything went silent, and after a few awkward minutes, I shattered the silence.

"ii'm gonna go, then. need to make 2ure my cat2 are 2tiill aliive. iif ii kiill them aa wiill have my head." 

"I'D HOPE YOUR CATS DONT NEED FUCKING 24/7 ATTENTION TO STAY ALIVE."

"well they practiically do."

"T)(en I'm gonna go find -Eridan! I )(ope )(e didn't do anyt)(ing stupid..." Feferi trailed off, slipping out of the car and I followed, saying bye to Karkat and watching Feferi start to walk off. I shut the door and called to Feferi.

"do you want a riide?" I asked, taking long strides to stand next to her.

"S)(ore!" I unlocked my car and she hopped into the passenger side.

"2orry iit'2 a me22, ii don't u2ually giive a 2hiit." Feferi giggled. 

"It's fine!" She smiled, and set her hands in her lap, humming a bit to the song that was currently playing. I turned it up a bit for her and slid back in my seat. I pulled out of the parking lot and started driving to the beach.


	2. Glowsticks.

I pulled up into the beach parking lot, and as I turned off my car and got out, I saw Feferi run off in the corner of my eye. I shut the door and locked it and walked in the direction she went. I stepped into the sand and hoped to gog these shoes didn't suck. I looked up and saw Feferi sitting next to Eridan, both barely getting hit by the waves. I figured I would stay back and see if they both left, so I leaned against a nearby tree. I watched the two figures across the beach. Eridan was slouching uncommonly, and Feferi seemed stiffer than usual. Feferi occasionally glanced in my direction, and once Eridan caught her, he turned around to stare at me. He was too far for me to make out his distinct expression, but it didn't look like it was on the happy spectrum. He snapped at Feferi and stood up, brushing himself off and storming away. Feferi stood up herself and walked over to me. She looked up at me, brushing the hair out of her face. ")(e's making a bad decision, Sollux! I don't know w)(at to do to stop him!" She sniffled, tears beginning to run down her face. She hugged me quite suddenly, clutching on to me like her life depended on it. I tried to comfort her in my awkward anti-social way, a little pap to the back as she sobbed into my chest. 

Eridan came back in only his pants — from what I understand it feels weird to swim with clothes on, which is pretty fucking reasonable. He glanced towards us, a look of desperation on his face before turning stone cold and into a snarl. He turned away dramatically and waded into the water, before diving in. And in a splash and the glimpse of his elegant violet fins, he was gone. I look back over to Feferi who was pulling off her over-shirt and slipping off her shoes in a rush. She had on a swimsuit top — that's all she ever wears — so it's not like this was weird. She left her skirt thing on and began running towards the water, going in after Eridan. As I watched the fuchsia fins disappear I realized I was just ditched. Wow, okay. Whatever. I pushed myself off of the tree and looked around at the few people among the beach. It was a perfect day for the beach, but this town was actually pretty dead in the summer because there was a great vacation spot close-by. I turned around and walked back to my car, slipping in and turning it on. I didn't start driving yet, I just laid my head down on the steering wheel. What the hell was Eridan doing now? 

That idiot caused a lot of problems. He was always mouthing off and being an utter douchebag to anyone that was in the vicinity, and always thought he was superior. Hell, if he met the president he would still probably think he was better. Someone needs to smack some sense into that fish. Honestly if he did just stop being stuck up and an idiot, maybe he would be able to see that he had a great bunch of friends, and a great life. But he makes his life miserable himself. It's like he didn't have parents to teach him how to not be a douche. Honestly, I wish his life would turn truly miserable so he can jump into reality like the rest of us. 

I sat in my car for a bit, mulling over it before realizing my car was running and pulled out. I drove to my apartment and unintentionally slammed my car door shut. I startled some cat, making it shriek and jump away. I watched it go and burst out laughing. It literally shrieked. Cats are weird — I would know. I locked my car and began the tedious climb to my apartment room. As I opened the door, I felt the presence of two sets of eyeballs glaring at me. I threw my keys down on the little stand next to my door and 'tripped' face first onto my couch. Time for Sollux nap time. It didn't take long for me to black out. I won't lie when I say my sleep schedule is horrible.

I was forced awake by pestersome vibrating in my jeans pocket. There was also the annoying beeping that was constantly streaming from the annoyance. I attempted to reach for my pocket, but found a lump of furry cats on my back. My inner part of my squeed a bit at how cute the fuckers were, all curled up together and on my back, but another part was hella pissed. I just maneuvered around the felines and snatched the phone out of my pocket, fixing my glasses and unlocking the phone. I was nearly fucking blinded by how bright it was, nearly dropping it and hissing. I squinted my eyes and rushed to turn the brightness down. Fucking- ugh. Phones. Why can't we all go back to times when people wrote letters dear god. Let's go back to the fucking Oregon Trail so none of this stupid technology shit ever happens. Telegraphs is all we need — not this fancy fucking touchscreen shit. Okay who am I kidding, I live on the fucking internet. 

I scrolled through all the texts Karkat has been sending me and before I can even get through them all, he is fucking calling me again. I answer the phone and groan a raspy hello.

"SO NOW YOU FUCKING ANSWER?" He talks too loudly into the phone again. You would never need the speaker on this idiot. 

"ii wa2 takiing my fuckiing-" I look at my watch real quick, "eveniing nap."

"LAZY ASSHAT."

"that ii2 exactly what ii am." I snicker. "2o anyway, what are you 2o fuckiing per2ii2tent about?"

"HAVE YOU EATEN YET- WAIT NO. I KNOW FOR A FACT YOU HAVEN'T, YOU FUCKING ANOREXIC DOUCHMUFFIN."

"ii'm not anorexiic ii 2wear-"

"YOU PRACTICALLY ARE. YOU NEVER FUCKING EAT YOU SHITHOLE."

"becau2e eatiing get2 iin the way of 2leep kk."

"THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T FUCKING EAT. MY GOG, YOU ARE SO FUCKING IDIOTIC. ANYWAY, LET'S GO OUT TO EAT."

"gee2 kk you are expectiing 2o much of me today, gettiing up for fro-yo and then gettiing up agaiin for food? diid ii mii22 my biirthday agaiin?"

"NO- I JUST WANT, YOU TO- YOU KNOW, GET OFF YOU'RE LAZY ASS."

"awwwww kk ii can 2ee riight through your facade. you ju2t wanna hang out becau2e you're feeliing lonely~ you're 2o cute kk."

"YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP."

"ii love you two kk-"

"WHATEVER. MEET ME UP AT — UHM, SUBWAY." 

"wow 2o cla22y" I roll my eyes. "what even happened to 5 dollar foot-long2 though?"

"THEY DECIDED THEY WANTED TO STOP THE BEST FUCKING TRADITION THEY HAD, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED."

"faiir enough. 2ee you there kk." I said before hanging up. I groaned and dumped my cats onto the floor, because fuck them. They startled awake and ran away. I sighed and rolled off the couch, falling onto the floor with a thud. "ow" I stood up and rubbed my ass, grabbing my keys and trying to smooth my hair a bit. I trudged back down the stairs, grabbing the attention of one of my neighbors. They waved hello cheerily and I returned the wave a little less enthusiastic. They slipped into their apartment and I went back on my way. I drove to Subway quickly while some fucking great music played on the radio. 8 was always when the best music was on. And this was a fucking great radio. They didn't play all that new shit that's all about sex. They play the good songs. Even if it's years old. I pulled into Subway seeing Karkat's car just parked. I got out and met up with him, and we walked into the nearly empty subway. 

We ordered our subs, myself getting only a six-inch because this stomach of mine is fucking tiny, and Karkat getting a footlong, probably so he can take some back to Kankri. Kankri was his older brother, who he lived with. Even though he hates him, but whatever. We went and sat down at one of the tables and chatted about useless stuff. 

Before I had even finished my six inch — god damn when did this get so hard to eat? — Karkat had eaten his portion of the sub, which was half and a bit more because he didn't give any shits if Kankri got a whole half. I gave up on trying to finish the last bit and instead wrapped it many times in the wrapping it came in. Karkat gave me a look, the one with his raised eyebrow and those judging eyes. I flicked the wrapped up part at his face and leaned back, stretching.

"YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN BY FUCKING ANOREXIC?" He scolded, picking up the previously thrown object and set it back on the table.

"kk ii 2topped growiing a whiile ago, 2o ii don't need a bunch of fuckiing food."

"BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO BE SO FUCKING SKINNY AND UNFIT."

"my body phy2iique ii2n't meant for that much food."

"THEN CHANGE YOUR PHYSIQUE."

"ii cant kk. ii am 2uppo2ed to be the one that doe2nt do any 2port2 except che22 — whiich 2houldn't be a 2port iin my opiiniion but whatever."

"YOU'RE FUCKING DIFFICULT."

"yup."

"ANYWAY, I BETTER GO. KANKRI'LL TRY TO CHEW MY ASS ABOUT BEING OUT LATE EVEN THOUGH HE HAS NO SAY."

"you have fun wiith that guy"

"HOW'S MITUNA, SOLLUX?" Karkat challenged. 

"he'2 ju2t great. liiviing wiith hi2 giirlfriiend and everythiing."

"WHATEVER." We both stood up and threw away our trash and split off to our cars, saying goodbye. I drove home, but before I got there, I was driving by the beach when I randomly figured I would go hang out for a bit. I wasn't tired after my afternoon nap anyway, so what's bad about chilling at the beach? I pulled into the parking lot, and before getting out, I dicarded my socks and shoes, rolling up my pants as well. I stepped onto the still slightly warm sand and shoved my hands in my pockets. Some people were having a stupid campfire on the beach, so I veered away from them, which restricted me to stay near the parking lot or else I had to go around a bunch of bushes and trees which I really didn't want to do. I sat on a conveniently placed bench and pulled out my phone, randomly scrolling through shit. Well that got boring real quick, so I decided to walk around and making fuck some shit up.

I stood up from the cool bench and walked along the parking lot. When I got near a set of bathrooms, I saw a purple glow on the side of the building. As I walked a bit closer, I could make out someone holding the glowstick. Although when I looked even closer — damn I was farther than I thought I was — I noticed two different glows. One was a bright neon purple, and the other was just a few shades different, more of a violet. And the violet was coming from the person. I knew who it was then.

"eriidan?" I could see his head snap in my direction. "what the fuck are you doiing out here?"

"i could ask you the same sol" he inquired, completely avoiding my question.

"ii'm ju2t fuckiing around iin the place where ii liive. now what'2 your excu2e?" I crossed my arms, glaring at him, thought it may not be able to be seen by him. It was around 9:30 or something, so it was fairly dark outside. The silence continued, turning awkward and very nerve-wracking despite the noise of the waves and the bugs and the murmur of the people having the campfire. 

"no fucking reason"

"mmhm. 2ure. ii'll beliieve that when pig2 2tart fuckiing flyiing." I could see his mouth open to answer, probably something snarky, but then it shut and he looked down. 

"wwhat wwould you need to care for seahorses abovve wwater?" he suddenly asked. I shrugged, before remembering the limited light. 

"ii dunno. why the fuck are avoiidiing my que2tiion2?" More silence. Yeah, give me more of the silence treatment and I'll make sure you stay silent for the rest of your pathetic life. I sighed, knowing something was definitely wrong. I walked over to him cautiously, before leaning against the wall. I looked down at the fish dude to get a better look at him. He look pretty pathetic. His fins were all droopy and his head was tilted down. He stared at something in his lap, which was obscured by his own arms practically cradling it. From what I could tell it just looked like a bucket full of water. 

"why are you holdiing a bucket?" //H4H4 G37 MY J0KE?!? H33H33//

"its not just a fuckin bucket dammit" he glared up at me. "there is a fuckin livvin thing in this bucket you fuckin idiot."

"well ii can't fuckiing 2ee that when you are guardiing iit liike iit'2 your liife."

"wwell it is basically my parent"

"waiit, what?!"

"this fuckin seahorse raised me like i wwas his kid dammit!"

"don't 2eahor2e2 leave theiir kiid2 after theiir born?"

"yeah wwhatevver shut up hes like my fuckin dad"

"2o, what the fuck are you doiing out here wiith your fuckiing 2eahor2e dad iin a bucket?"

"they exiled me." he said quietly. I took a double take.

"what?"

"im a fuckin exile noww" he sighed, and I swear I could hear a bit of a sob, "they didnt like the wway i didnt wwant to go back because of their fuckin plan to unite seadwwellers and landwwellers" he dropped his head again.

"okay wow. that'2 fuckiing 2tupiid. you don't have the 2ame opiiniion2 and that 2houldn't fuckiing matter."

"wwell it does to the king and queen" He fidgeted with the rings on his fingers. "especially since i wwas somewwhat royalty"

"oh." I wish I could have said something else, but honestly no words came to me.

"so noww im stuck on land and not allowwed to go back and i havve nowwhere to stay" 

Oh fuck, no. I can't- my apartment is pretty big yeah but- fuck im gonna let him live with me aren't I? I hate myself. "alriight, fuck iit. ii gue22 you're gonna liive wiith me. untiil you can get a decent job and pay for your own apartment, that ii2." I stood up, holding out my hand. He hesitantly grabbed it and stood up, picking up the bucket aswell. "and we'll get you a fii2h tank for your dad. google what the fuck ii need to buy for 2omethiing liike that." I said while pushing my phone towards him. We went to my car and I took the bucket from him, as he got in, and he set the bucket in his lap in the car. The seahorse looked a little panicked, but Eridan calmed it down by putting one of his hands in the bucket and somehow reassuring the seahorse he was fine. 

"wwell heres stuff you need to take care of a seahorse apparently" he said, in more of a question, handing me the phone back. I looked over it and groaned. This might be a bit expensive. But as I looked up at Eridan's worried face, I said fuck it it'll be worth it in the end. All we need is a proper tank and food. I know where I can get some live food since this seahorse is obviously wild-caught, and the guy is pretty nice so he may give me a bit of a discount. We should probably get two tanks, one for the food to keep it alive, and one for the actual seahorse. Alright. I got this. I started the car and drove — relatively slow — to the superstore we had in the town. It was late but whatever. Eridan came with me, trusting the seahorse in the car for a small bit and we hurriedly found a good tank for the seahorse, not too big but big enough for him to roam a bit. We bought it, and said fuck decorations Eridan can sneak and get the real sea shit while I go back to my apartment and somehow set this up. 

It took all night but we did finally get the tank set up and Eridan's 'dad' in the tank. I collapsed on the sofa, half on the couch and the other half dangling off the arm rest. "he'll be fiine untiil morniing for food, riight? becau2e ii can't get food untiil D get2 hii2 2hop open..." I mumbled, trying hard to not close my eyes. I saw Eridan nod and sit down next to me.

"uh sol" I looked up at him. "thanks for all this it really means a lot to me"

"yeah yeah 2hut your trap and wake me up around 8, no matter how much ii prote2t." He nodded again and I blacked out.


	3. Brothers.

I was awoken by the gods- oh no wait that's just Eridan glowing in the darkness. He kept shaking me lightly, calling out my name until I returned to the mortal world, hissing and batting him away. He quirked his eyebrow as I arched my back and stretched off the couch, forgetting I was half on and off and falling off. I laid on the floor for a bit, staring up at Eridan as he shuffled a bit awkwardly on his feet. I had come to the realization that he was still wearing only his pants a little slowly - I wasn't smart in the mornings. I sat up and stared at the wall for another good minute before actually standing up and stretching a bit more. I leaned over and flipped the light on, regretting it as soon as it happened. The brightness is horrible- whatever. Okay. I have something to do right now. I fumbled in the couch cushions for my glasses before Eridan tapped me on the shoulder and handed them to me. He was all nervous looking and still standing. I took my glasses from him, and stared at him for a bit. He was a bit shorter than me, maybe even shorter than Karkat. I wasn't ridiculously tall like Gamzee - or even Kurloz jegus - so I can't say too much.

"dude diid you even 2leep?" I questioned, slipping my 3-D glasses on. He glanced down and shrugged. "that'2 a 'no'. ed you iidiiot, you need two 2leep two."

"wwell didnt you wwant me to fuckin wwake you up?" he snapped back.

"ii wouldn've cared."

"wwell wwhatevver im not tired anywway"

"liike hell you arent. look at your2elf. you have fuckiing bag2 under your eye2 and everythiing. you are goiing to 2leep." I grabbed him by his wrist and dragged him into my room. I pushed him lightly onto the bed, which he looked at a bit foreignly. "waiit- do you guy2 not 2leep?"

"no wwe sleep idiot. just differently."

"then ju2t get on the bed, get under the blanket2 iif iit's not two hot, and then clo2e your eye2 and 2leep." I said, grabbing a jacket from my closet while talking. I forced my arms into it, screwing up a bit in the process. I fixed my error as I heard the shuffling on the bed, and turned around to see Eridan sitting up, with the blankets over his midsection. "alriight, uh- you know my number so ju2t call me iif you need 2omethiing or whatever." I said, and left the room, and the apartment, locking up behind myself. I went downstairs and to my car, driving to my source of all things fish and fishing.

I came back to my apartment with a container full of 'live-bearer fry' as we will be feeding the seahorse. All that stupid shrimp shit was too much, and Eridan informed me that his 'dad' ate live-bearer fry so it's all fucking dandy. I fumbled with my keys with one hand, nearly dropping them when my door was slammed open. I had to quickly grab the fish before they became flying fish and cursed under my breath. I looked at my door and there stood Karkat in the flesh.

"what the fuck are you doiing here kk?" I asked, shuffling into my apartment past Karkat and into the room where we had Eridan- you know what fuck it. I'm calling the seahorse seahorsded because it sounds cool. I set the container of fish on the counter and got the second tank ready. While I was doing this, Karkat was yelling why he was here. Apparently he showed up like he's supposed to every Tuesday morning, and Eridan answered the door and then I zoned out while attempting to pour fish into a tank.

"SO WHY THE FUCK IS ERIDAN HERE? AND WHY DO YOU HAVE A BRAND NEW FUCKING SEAHORSE?" He asked, his arms crossed and his eyebrow cocked.

"well you 2ee kk, iit all 2tart2 when a mommy and daddy love each other ve-"

"SOLLUX I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU FINISH WHAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY SPEWING OUT OF YOUR PATHETIC MOUTH, I WILL PERSONALLY RIP OUT YOUR VOICE-BOX AND SHOVE IT BACK DOWN YOUR THROAT."

"yeah yeah, 2eriiou2. a2k ed he'll explaiin iit better." I said distractedly, hurriedly attempting to get one of the fish off of my fucking counter and back into the container. I heard Karkat huff behind me and storm off. Sheesh, pissy much? Whatever. When I succeeded in getting all the fish into the goddamn fucking tank finally, I washed my hands off and walked into the main area, wiping my hands off on my shirt. I found Karkat shooshing Eridan who was crying. Oh god feelings can i leave please i need an adult fuck um- I went to go sit down on the other side of Eridan, but didn't really do anything. I was about to rest a hand on his shoulder, but I knew I was barely a wanted presence to the hipster fish. So instead I just twiddled my fucking fingers like a small awkward child. The feelings jam went on a bit, and I honestly contemplated melting into the couch - I could probably somehow fit my awkward limbs in there. Ha- who am I kidding- anyway I need to now think of ways to disappear and instead actually do something. I stood up attempting to be a little bit fucking quiet or something, but the world hates me so I of course step right on Loo's tail, and by god he's not fucking happy about that. A screech and a hissy fit later I am stumbling awkwardly into the kitchen area to avoid the glaring eyes of Karkat. I look at the time and decide maybe the pain in my gut is in-fact hunger.

Looking through my cabinets, you could see why Karkat considers me 'anorexic'. Let's play 'What's in Sollux's cabinets!' - instant noodles, Nutella, honey, shitty cereals, old shit from my dad, honey, instant rice, and more honey. I like that shit, what can I say? Wait- I think I have some pancake mix in the back. Yep. There it is. I snatch for it, stretching out. I pull it down and set it down on the cabinet. I grab the milk and go on to make pancakes, pulling out my little skillet and frying up some nice pancakes. I will admit I have adequate cooking skills. It's just too much work to use them. By the time a couple pancakes are done, Karkat is sauntering into the kitchen area, and is peering over my shoulder.

"GOD, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU ACTUALLY COOKED, SOLLUX." he commented snarkily.

"watch iit or you wont get any, kk." I sassed back, pointing my spatula at him for emphasis.

He put his hands in the air, and backed up a bit in mock defense. "FUCK, OKAY. I HAVE TREAD IN THE WOMEN'S TERRITORY."

"you know iit, you liittle 2hiit." I swatted him out and finished making pancakes. He gets the one that was partially burnt due to his interruption. I separated pancakes onto plates and carried them out to the main area. Eridan looked up as I entered, and sniffed a bit, his face scrunching up in- that better not be fucking disgust or so help me i will- no wait he probably hasn't had pancakes. Fuck, whatever. I hand him a plate and shove the other one at Karkat, before taking my own seat on the open end of the couch. I had brought my honey with me and poured some on. Karkat got up to go get the syrup I refused to bring, and came back with forks for him and Eridan as well. What? They're in my fucking house, I'm not gonna treat them like gods. I'm a piece of shit, wow.

At some point, the tv ended up being flipped on and was on some stupid morning cartoons. Wait- fuck, Steven Universe is up next? Count me fucking in. Cartoon Network is the shit. We watched TV for a few more hours, wasting our life away. By the time Karkat decided it was time to not be lazy shits, I was smothered in red and blue cats and kinda didn't want to get up.

"SOLLUX GET YOUR FUCKING ASS UP." Karkat growled, standing over me.

"you wouldn't make a guy wiith two cat2 on hii2 lap get up, would you kk?" I whined playfully.

"YES, I FUCKING WOULD. NOW GET YOUR ASS UP AND FIND ERIDAN SOME ACTUAL CLOTHES."

"man kk he ha2 pant2, that'2 all male2 need iin thii2 fucked up 2ociiety."

"SOLLUX."

"kk."

"SOLLUX CAPTOR."

"kk vanta2."

"SOLLUXANDER CAPTOR."

"karkat vanta2."

"SOLLUXANDER LINN CAPTOR."

"god kk not the miiddle name ew."

"GET YOUR FUCKING ASS UP BEFORE I BRING IN THE SECOND MIDDLE NAME."

"dear lord plea2e no." I say, shoving cats off me and scrambling up. You wouldn't be laughing right now if you knew my other middle name. Karkat smirked and I glared at him. He shoved me towards my room and I groaned, going in and attempting to find a shirt that wouldn't be way too big. It ended up being one of my old shirts with the Gemini symbol on it, that I wore when all of us were obsessed with wearing only our zodiacs. Eridan held it up and sniggered.

"you still havve this old thin'?" he asked between his shitty giggles.

"ye2 ii fuckiing do a2 a matter of fact." I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. "would you rather wear that or go 2hiirtle22 2o people can glare at you and mother2 can 2teer theiir chiildren away?"

"people actually do that?" he asked, lowering the shirt.

"THERE'S A HIGH FUCKING CHANCE. NOW PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT AND LETS GO FOR A FUCKING WALK. IT'S A NICE DAY AND DAMMIT YOU GUYS ARE BOTH UNHEALTHY PIECES OF SHIT." Karkat said sharply. Eridan slipped the shirt on, and while it might have been a bit tight on him, it would fit better than any of my other shirts would. You could see the bumps where his gills sat, and you could barely see the outline of the folded fins on his back. Why I was so admiring of how the shirt fit him I don't know, and I will deny ever ogling over it. I was snapped out of my trance that was now into nothingness by Karkat who had begun dragging me out of the house.

During the walk, everything was pretty peaceful for me and Karkat, but it was apparently uncomfortable for Eridan. I looked back at him when he had fallen behind us, seeing him really intent on fixing the scarf he had on. I forgot he had that thing on as well. I stopped, and Karkat eventually did too, waiting until Eridan caught up. "look, fii2h iidiiot, you need to chiill. ii don't know what crawled under your 2kiin, but no one here ii2 mean or anythiing, je2u2 fuck. ju2t- take off that 2tupiid 2carf, it'2 two warm for that." I said, lightly tugging at the offending material, before pulling it off completely. I draped it over my shoulder and looked back over at Eridan. He huffed and glared up at me, if only looks could kill, I would need a will written up pretty soon. "now 2top glariing at me and enjoy the fuckiing beautiiful day we were dragged out to." I pushed him a bit forward to start walking, and continued myself. Karkat shifted to walk in between both of us.

When we were walking towards a certain apartment building, Eridan started scowling and attempting to hide his face. I raised my eyebrows about as high as the Eiffel tower as Karkat asked "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR DEAL?"

"cro livves here, and if he fuckin seas me hes gonna havve a fuckin coww. he probubbly knowws already because meenah cant keep her fuckin mouth shut..." he said, glancing up at the building. Sure enough though, a person suddenly sprinted out of the building and towards us and Eridan started.

"eri! thank cod you are okay!" The other fish dick -what the hell am i supposed to call them fuffsuhdfkj- said as he came to a halt in front of Eridan. Cronus looked like he came right of the movie 'Grease', if there had been fish people in it. He was almost opposite of Eridan, where Eridan knew nothing and wanted to know nothing about humans, Cronus knew everything and wanted to know more. I think he said he was a human..? I can't remember really. All Mituna ever babbled about was how much of a 57UP1D - 57U - FUCK1NG 1D-1D1O7! he was.

"my cod im fine, fuckin chill."

"meenah told me that you vwere kicked out, i thought you vwould be a prick and refuse to do anythin on land," he looked over towards me. "especially vwith captor, vwovw."

"yeah yeah wwhatevver." Eridan rolled his eyes and looked away. He ran his hand through his blonde hair and visibly blushed. My attention was diverted as another person came out of the apartment building, all decked out in a giant sweater and bent over a bit huffing with his face all red. Kankri regained his composure and cleared his throat.

"Cr6nus, it may 6e very triggering f6r y6u t6 run 6ut 6n s6me6ne like that, y6u realize?" He started, but Cronus shut him short.

"yeah, yeah i knowv chief, but i sawv eri and vwas really reliewved, okay?" He groaned, slouching just a bit. Kankri's almost sarcastic stare shifted to Eridan and he brightened up a bit.

"6h, well I am glad y6u are in g66d c6nditi6n, Eridan, 8ut I d9 ask that y9u d9 n9t run 9ff like that, Cr9nus, as it did in fact frighten me f9r a a sec9nd, and s9me 9thers may even find it a trigger t9 an anx-"

"OH MY GOOD GOG KANKRI, SHUT THE ACTUAL FUCK UP. WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID TRIGGERS AND SHIT, SO GO SHOVE YOUR STUPID FUCKING HEAD DOWN A WELL AND LEAVE US ALONE FOR A GODDAMN SECOND. THIS IS LIKE A FUCKING REUNITING SCENE IN A HORRIBLE MOVIE WHERE TWO SIBLINGS SEE EACH OTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME AFTER A FUCKING CAR WRECK OR SOME SHIT, AND GOG DAMMIT I NEED TO SHUT UP, I'M RANTING MORE THAN YOU ARE. FUCK THIS SHIT WE ARE GOING HOME, COME ON KANKRI. THEY DON'T NEED OUT FUCKING LOUD MOUTHS ANYMORE BECAUSE GOD DAMMIT I NEED TO SHUT UP." Karkat cut Kankri off, only to go on into his own rant. All the other beings on the sidewalk, and me of course, just sighed and face-palmed pretty much at the same fucking time.

"2o, ED, Cronu2, how'2 your guy2'2 2hiitty liive2?" I asked the blonde fish dork and his blond human brother. They both rolled their eyes and sneered. Cronus muttered something under his breath and Eridan retorted with 'wwell its been wwith you'. We basically just ignored Kankri and Karkat for a bit while they respectively ranted each other's ass off, and Cronus and Eridan had a chat, that ended up being a bit less brotherly then they should be. I had suddenly realized the minor headache I had. Headaches are a part of my life. Always there, in hot places, in stuffy places, and anywhere else. Just a constant reminder off how fucked up Captors's health statuses are. We are kinda weak and headache prone - stupid father giving us the curse. It was warm outside too, so there was no coolness to soothe the ache.

I looked over to the silver and black haired brothers who were still ranting on and on, Karkat interrupting every 5 seconds. Alright now the headache is really settling in, time to get the fuck outta here. I walked over to Karkat and set my hands on his shoulders, leaning my chin on his left shoulder. His speech faltered and his head tilted away from mine a centimeter, shifting his dyed black locks out of my eyes. I looked at Kankri, who had his red eyes closed in his speech, and groaned bitterly.

"And n9t t9 menti9n h9w a parental fi-"

"alriight, kankrii, can we 2top talkiing for a miinute? ii am 2tartiing two get a miigraiine and 2peech ii2n't helpiing." I said pretty calmly to the albino, staring at him boredly through my glasses. He shut up for a second, moved his slightly triggered stare to me, looking over my face and then closing his eyes.

"Very well then. I supp9se since y9u had a fair en9ugh reas9n t9, I will n9t inf9rm y9u 9n h9w rude it is t9 interrupt. I kn9w h9w Capt9r's and their headaches w9rk."

"yep, they're pretty bad. you don't know miigraiine2 untiil you've felt one of miine."

"DON'T TELL ME IT'S GONNA BE AS BAD AS THAT ONE THAT YOU THREW UP ALL OVER YOUR FUCKING BED IS IT?"

"ii dunno kk, ii hope not." 

"WELL, BEFORE YOU FUCKING FAINT OR RETCH OR SOMETHING LET'S FUCKING GET YOU HOME." Karkat stated, grabbing one of my hands and wheeling me around to his side. He ushered Eridan forward and we walked back, waving goodbye to Cronus and Kankri.

"honestly kk ii'm fiine. ii may have exaggerated a biit becau2e ii wanted two leave."

"I DON'T CARE YOU ARE STILL GOING HOME AND TAKING FUCKING EXCEDRIN. ANYWAY IT'S TIME FOR FOOD, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP." I shrugged and draped my arms across his shoulders, pressing myself to his back. I rested my chin oh his head and continued walking. Karkat stumbled a bit, and I did in domino affect as well. "SOLLUX THIS IS WEIRD AND I CANNOT FUCKING WALK LIKE THIS."

"two bad. ii have a headache remember? and your fluffy haiir giive2 my head reliief."

"SURE IT FUCKING DOES." Karkat drawled, rolling his eyes. But he didn't say anything else. Eridan gave a sideway's look to us, before snickering and rolling his own eyes. 

"oh are you all alone over there, ed? come're you liittle 2hitt." I said, grabbing the back of his — my — shirt, and pulling him over. He glubbed in shock — yes he fucking glubbed — and stumbled a bit. I shoved him right next to Karkat and rested my arms on both of their heads, resting my head on their shoulders.

"isnt that fuckin awwkwward sol?"

"yep but hey, my two fetii2h ii2 2atii2fiied."

"NO. SO MUCH NOPE. NOT HAPPENING." Karkat said shoving me off. "YOU WILL NOT GET OFF TO THIS."

"hehe" I grinned, and instead went to my previous position on Karkat on Eridan instead. He attempted to shove me off, hissing about his hair and I just grinned stupidly purposely rubbing my face in his violet streak in his hair. He nearly screeched, flailing his arms and shoving me off, his hands immediately going to his hair. I burst out laughing and doubled over, Eridan fuming. He had opened his mouth to yell at me, but as I looked up, my face flushed and grinning way too genuinely, he lost the words and stood there like a fish out of wate- oh wait he IS a fish out of water pfft wow horrible pun. He blushed and shut his mouth, looking away and walking forward.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? LETTING YOU OFF THE HOOK FOR FUCKING HIS HAIR UP? DID GAMZEE'S FUCKING MIRACLES COME TRUE?" Karkat's eyebrow went up really fucking high and I laughed again. "WELL LET'S GO GET SOME FUCKING FOOD." Karkat said, dragging my skinny ass after Eridan. When Karkat get hungry, he gets fierce goddamn, just let him lead. It's all for the better.


	4. Tales

Once we had caught up to the still red Eridan, and made it to Karkat's house - which was closer and Karkat declared he had better food, which was probably true - he shoved up inside and disappeared to the kitchen. Me and Eridan sat on Karkat's overly comfy couch as he shuffled around in the kitchen, making god-knows-what. I had my legs propped up and I was leaning on the arm, occasionally pushing at the blonde with my foot. He batted my foot away each time, but like hell that would ever make me stop. The war between land feet and sea hands has begun. When Karkat walked back into the kitchen, he gave us an 'are you fucking serious' look, as my foot was on Eridan's face and he was throttling my leg.

"FOOD'S READY YOU ASSHATS." He announced, before strutting back into his kitchendom. Eridan shoved my foot off his face and stood up, walking into the dining area next to the kitchen. I groaned and stood up as well, following suit. Karkat made some sandwiches and laid out various chip bags.

"geez, wwhy so much food? do you guys eat that much?" Eridan asked, taking a chair and sitting down.

Karkat snarled. "NO. KANKRI AND CRONUS ARE COMING BACK OVER AND EATING WITH US." Karkat crossed his arms. "AND WE ONLY HAVE 4 CHAIRS AT THIS SHITTY TABLE SO EITHER SOME FUCK IS GOING TO HAVE TO GRAB ANOTHER CHAIR AND SIT ON SOMEONES LAP."

I grinned. "you can alway2 2iit on my lap, kk." I did a show with my eyebrows and ducked the smack heading towards me.

"YOUR LAP IS TOO FUCKING BONEY FOR ANYONE TO SIT ON. NOW HOLD YOUR GODDAMN METAPHORICAL HORSES WHILE I GO GRAB AN EXTRA GODDAMN CHAIR." Karkat walked out of the dining area and disappeared into the house he and Kankri shared. I pulled out on of the chairs and sat down, slouching into the uncomfortable wood.

"wwas he actually considerin havving someone sit in someones lap?" Eridan mused, his eyebrow cocked.

"pfft no are you kiidiing me? none of u2 are actually gonna be okay wiith that. except me, but kk wont except the fact ii have a damn fiine a22."

"oh really"

"have you 2een thii2 a22?"

"yes, it wwas vvery out there wwhile you slept half on the couch"

"oh yeah. bet you enjoyed that eye candy"

"nope i wwas honestly concerned about how the bones hadnt just popped out yet."

"2hut up"

Eridan grinned snarkily and leaned back in his chair. Karkat had shuffled back into the kitchen, dragging a fold-out chair behind him. As he was unfolding the chair, the door opened and Kankri and Cronus strolled in. Kankri was definitely short like his brother, and it was obvious when he stood next to Eridan's brother's inhuman height. Eridan got the short end of the stick in his bloodline, the sucker. The albino strode into the kitchen and smiled at me and Eridan. We just saw the doofus like 15 minutes ago. Cronus followed suit, but veered to go pester his sibling. The two blondes had a one-sided argument, cut short by Cronus pressing Eridan's lips together and shooshing him. Eridan glared through his glasses at him and went to bite his finger. Cronus jerked his hand back and bit at the air towards Eridan, in what I'm assuming is a teasing threat in fish language?? I don't fucking know this shit. Kankri scolded both of them and made Cronus sit down. Karkat flipped the fold-out chair around next to me and sat on it backwards. I cocked my eyebrows at him and he snorted, reaching out and grabbing a sandwich.

Being the most unhealthy person in this room, I ended up only being able to eat one sandwich while Karkat and Cronus scarfed down three each and Kankri was working on his third. Eridan ate two, and stopped there. Karkat was trying to force-feed me another one but I just glared at him as he yelled profanities. Kankri kept trying to calm him down and 'refrain fr9m using such f9wl language' which of course never worked.

"SOLLUX YOU PIECE OF SHI-"

"W9rds Karkat!"

"PIECE OF SHIBU INU EAT THIS GOD-"

"Karkat."

"FORSAKEN PIECE OF SHITTYSANDWICHRIGHTNOWDAMMIT"

"Karkat, h9nestly. S9me9ne c9uld find that very triggering."

"OH MY GOG SHUT UP."

"Rude."

"YOU'RE RUDE."

"Am I 6eing rude? If I am I ap9l9gize, 6ut I need to get the p9int acr9ss."

Karkat's head met the table and he groaned. I sniggered and gave a thumbs up to Kankri, who just rolled his eyes and took another bite out of his sandwich. Cronus laughed a bit and Kankri looked over at him with a questioning glare.

"you guys are so vweird sometimes ya knowv?" Kankri scoffed and finished chewing.

"I d9 n9t find that we are 'weird', Cr9nus. We are merely having an argument. While unwanted, arguments are an imp9rtant part t9 having healthy relati9nships."

"vwell yeah, but liwving unvwater forevwer makes you guys look vweird on a daily basis."

"i wwill second that." holy shit, the Amporas agree on something?! where are the flying pigs?

"you aint been here since the act vwas passed, chief. you aint ewven got a taste of this vworld."

"wwell i apparently fuckin havve to now." Cronus went quiet. Eridan didn't make eye-contact with anyone else. This awkward angst really isn't my thing.

"HEY, AT LEAST YOU GET TO BE GRACED BY MY FUCKING PRESENCE." Karkat broke the silence, cocking a really fake shitty grin. Eridan shook his head and rolled his eyes and Karkat's expression softened. Some pointless conversation went on, until the topic of where Eridan was staying came up.

"so, cheif, vwhere are ya stayin?" Cronus asked, leaning his chin in his palm, his elbow resting on the table. He had discarded his signature leather jacket and it dangled on the back of his chair.

"wwell i guess wwith sol? if hes okay wwith that — i guess i just kinda invvaded." Eridan shrugged, running a hand through his violet and blonde hair. He glanced over at me and back at the table. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"well fuck iif you're not 2tayiing, what the fuck am ii 2upo22ed to do wiith 2eahor2ded?" I looked up at him, eyebrows elevated.

"seahorsded?" Eridan questioned. "is that wwhat you call him noww?"

"2hut up, but ye2."

"WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH IT?" Karkat grumbled, his chin rested on the back of the fold-out chair.

"becau2e he told me iit wa2 liike hii2 dad or 2ome 2hiit. 2eahor2e dad. 2eahorsded." I leaned back in my chair, picking at my over large canines with one finger. So attractive, Sollux, 10/10 would bang.

"oh! you mean his little seahorse that started follovwing him ewveryvwhere?" Cronus prodded into the conversation.

"yes, him." Eridan said bitterly.

"you consider him a dad?"

"wwell he wwas there for me wwhen dad died okay" Eridan got defensive, and his little weird ear fins flared out. 

"shoosh i knovw — no bad memories eri — but vwhy didn't you evwer tell me, chief?" Cronus lowered his voice, speaking calmly.

"because you wwould think it wwas ridiculous"

"nah, chief. you kiddin me? ewven i found somethin like that." Cronus laughed. "funny thing is — i found a seahorse too." Cronus grinned stupidly. Brothers. Speaking of brothers, Kankri and Karkat branched into their own conversation, something about bills or whatever — ew no. I ran my bifurcated tongue over my canines and rested my elbows on the table, leaning my chin on my hands. It's awkward being the odd one out. One side of the table was bonding and the other side was, well, sorta bonding. More arguing, but that is apparently what Kankri considers bonding. 

Honestly, it wouldn't be so painfully awkward for me if I had a different family. Me and Mituna had an okay relationship before his accident, with quiet acceptance and unspoken understanding. After his accident, things were more lively and unpredictable with him, but it was like being with a stranger. Someone you just met who happens to be in the body of your brother. I was only 13 when his accident happened, so since then I didn't really have a brother, just a best friend I was related to. It did make me more socially awkward than I already was, and even Dad was affected by it. It's not Mituna's fault, and I never thought it was, it's just kinda painful to think too hard about it. So especially being around brothers, one set who seemed to not have been very close after the death of their dad, and one set who were forced to live together their entire lives, it drains the social out of you.

Apparently I went too far into my brooding, as Karkat started nudging me, looking at me with concern etched in his features. His rounder face all scrunched up in concern for me, I'm not gonna lie, it made my heart stutter for a second. Karkat is always trying to be a hard person, but he can't hide his true fluffy cinnamon roll self from me, the man who worked hard for 9 years prying it out of him, while he pried emotional shit out of me in unison. He smacked me up top the head before I truly came out of my antisocial cloud of shutting myself out.

"Idiot, you did take your fucking meds today right?" He said, quieter than usual. I never found it embarrassing that I do have to take medications in the mornings, but he always seems to think that I really do. He and Kankri really are brothers, trust me. I promptly let my head fall to the table.

"no- 2hiit." I groaned. This morning was eventful. I utterly forget I have mental issues that have to be managed. He patted my head and stood up, walking to the bathroom. I knew what he was doing. Karkat was always concerned for everyone, so he of course hoarded medicine for back-ups and shit like this. He memorized my dosage just because he cares that much. The little fucker is too much. He came back and dropped the familiar pills in front of me, scooting my glass closer to urge me to take them now. He sat back down in his chair backwards and glared me down until I swallowed the small pills. I leaned back in my chair and sagged down. Cronus stood up and excused himself, saying he had to leave. He waved us goodbye, and Kankri walked him to the door. I heard them have some awkward exchanges of goodbyes, before the door shut and Kankri walked back in to help clean up, a new dusting of red over his face. Those two were so painfully in love, but they were both so bad with romantic advances, Karkat claims it physically hurts him.

I stood up to help, but groaned and sat back down. My headache doubled in pain, and I guess we forgot to give me those meds when we arrived to Karkat's house. Eridan hesitated and looked over at me as Karkat was struck with the realization as well and dropped everything to go grab me more meds. Kankri went and refilled my glass of water, calmly placing it back next to me. He continued cleaning up, getting Eridan instructed on what goes where as well. Karkat came back, setting Excedrin in front of me and going off to rinse off the dishes. Isn't is just fucking great being helpless at someone else's house? yeah it sure fucking is. I took my second set of pills and attempted to help in my state, ending up being swatted back by Eridan. More small talk preceded after lunch had been cleaned up, mainly Kankri talking to Eridan about small stuff, and Karkat occasionally butting in from his place cleaning up dishes. 

Kankri left after a while, going to his room to work on his, well, work. Kankri was a teacher now, or was he a professor? I think he was a professor. I stood up cautiously, but finding my headache had definitely lessened, I stretched and popped a few joints.

"well ii gue22 ii am goiing to go, ii need to work on 2ome 2hiit for work two." I said, pushing my chair back under the table. Eridan stood up as well. He brushed back a little curl that managed to push out of his somehow perfect hair. How is it still styled? I don't think I have any hair gel or whatever he uses. Maybe it's actually somewhat natural because he lived underwater. I don't know, but I have work to do and I don't need to think about this. Karkat closed the dishwasher and turned to us, a scowl on his face.

"BYE LOSERS." he said, before popping a sarcastic smile and ushering us out the door. Me and Eridan walked back to my apartment in silence, and I couldn't read if the silence was awkward or comfortable. It seemed comfortable because neither of us had to talk, but the awkwardness was still very present. I looked at the clock as soon as we got back to the apartment and sighed.

"okay, ed, 2iince you're 2tayiing here we need to get you a bed or 2omethiing." I said, turning toward the blonde. He looked back at me with his stupidly gorgeous violet eyes, and then shrugged. All he did was fucking shrug. Is that even a response? Did I even ask a goddamn question? ugh nevermind.

"howw soon can you evven get a bed?"

"not very fuckiing 2oon."

"then howw the hell is this supposed ta wwork?"

"well, there are two optiion2. one, one of u2 can 2leep on the couch, or two, we 2leep together." Eridan's little ear fins fluttered as he thought. He went silent before placing his head in his hands and groaning.

"cod i wwish i wwasn't so fuckin stupid and didn't cause all a this." I sighed, and rubbed my temple.

"riight now ii2n't the tiime to mourn over that. iit'2 happened, iit'2 dead and over wiith now. riight now we need to focu2 on gettiing you accu2tomed to liife above water." I said, resting a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me, rubbing the water out of his eyes and nodded.

"yeah, you're right. sorry."

"don't apologiize, diip2hiit. now come on, iit'll be fiine." I looked over at the clock and contemplated how much time I had until I needed to make dinner. A couple hours, alright. "now ii have to go work on 2tupiid 2hiit for my job, and meanwhiile, are you gonna get a job?"

"yeah i suppose i should try ta." Eridan said, worry settling into his face. "wwhat kind a jobs wwould i evven be good at though?"

"ii dunno. what are you good at?"

"wwell, all i evver really did back ho- underwwater, wwas mess around wwith battle strategies and hunt, so i nevver really did anythin important."

"okay, well that'2 a 2tart. you could try workiing down at the dock2? helpiing fii2her2 and 2uch. or you could work at the liibrary, they need 2ome help there. or hell even both." I could see Eridan working at the library. He wasn't tall and all, but I know for a fact he loves reading and is pretty good at organizing.

"wwhat wwould helpin fishers entail?"

"hauliing up fii2h and dockiing 2hiip2, po22iibly cleaniing 2hiip2, and of cour2e actually helpiing fii2h." He looked a bit put off at this list.

"id really rather not. i wwas good at huntin big fish, not the little thins they catch. i guess ill try ta wwork at the library?"

"yeah, okay. kk work2 at the coffee 2hop riight next door 2o you could have 2omeone to walk to work wiith two. after diinner we can go and get you a job, how doe2 that 2ound?" Eridan smiled, all pearly whites — kinda sharp too — and fluttering fins.

"sounds great."

"alriight, go do 2omethiing whiile ii do my job." I playfully batted him out of the way and went into my bedroom, wheeling my desk chair around and plopping down in it. "oh, and after you get your job, we'll go 2hoppiing 2o you don't look riidiiculou2!" I yelled, turning towards my computer and opening up the reports I had to finish, typing away.

It was a couple hours later when Eridan snuck into the room, peering over my shoulder. I glanced back at him, and continued working on the report. I will admit, during these few hours I may or may not have played some stupid games to cure boredom. He rested his chin on my shoulder and I felt his stupid fin flap against my head.

"what do you want, ed?" I asked, moving my head to the side only a centimeter.

"im hungry and i wwant a job." he whined, pouting. I raised my eyebrows and cocked a small grin.

"why dont you go make 2ome food then?"

"do you really trust me in your kitchen?"

"heh, no."

"didn't think so."

"yeah okay ii'll go make 2ome food. and then we'll go get you your job."

"wwoop!" he cheered in my ear before getting up and scampering out of the room. I sat up and stretched a bit, satisfying pops coming from my joints. I stood up and pushed the chair back under the desk, saving the report and putting the computer into sleep mode. I walked across the house to the kitchen where Eridan had staked his claim on a chair. I gave him a look before rummaging through my drawers for something edible. I guess it's time to make some ramen noodles because I have nothing better.

I pulled out a pan and poured a — hopefully — adequate amount of water for two packets. I set it on the stove and set it to boil. I pulled out another chair and plopped down on it. "2o, you aren't goiing to make me go broke wiith clothe2 are you?" I asked, picking at something on the table.

"wwhat? no."

"where do you wanna go for clothe2?"

"you guys havve a thrift store right?"

"uh, yeah we do."

"then i can get clothes from there."

"2eriiou2ly?" 

"wwell yeah? thats wwhat i normally do"

"wow, ii expected you would liike tho2e giiant clothiing 2tore2 that are way two expen2iive for anyone iin theiir riight miind."

"no wway. wway too fancy for me."

"what"

"sol im not wwhat you apparently thought i wwas."

"but-"

"i livved in a shipwwreck, sol. literally a shipwwreck. sure wwe wwere royalty and shit but princes dont havve it nice underwwater. wwe havve to livve like normal folk, hell evven the empress had to livve just like anyone else. it's not like your guys' wweird wways of royalty and shit. havving a royal title only meant you wwere important wwhen it came to wwars and makin decisions and lookin nice wwhen it came to the opinions a other kingdoms and shit." Eridan glanced over to the stove. "your wwaters boilin"

I stood up and went to the stove, pulling the ramen noodles in and setting a timer for 3 minutes. I pulled out a fork to stir it with, because god forbid you don't stir your ramen noodles or shit goes down. I leaned lazily against the stove, and faced Eridan. He was still a little red in the face from getting a little salty about my misconceptions.

"you know, you 2hould tell me about what iit wa2 liike down there, 2ometiime. iit 2ound2 a lot fuckiing diifferent then ii had expected." I inquired, stirring boredly at the boiling noodles. He looked up at me, his fins perked.

"wwait really?"

"yeah, iit 2eem2 kiinda iintere2tiing, hone2tly."

"wwell shit, okay." he smiled, probably more to himself, but I counted it in the Eridan smile counter. We are at some number that I honestly gave up on because this was a stupid game with I was twelve and it's stupid now so whatever. Ah, the stupid years of my life. When we all first met Eridan and the other fish nerds.

Flashback time, suckers. Get ready for this shit.

_By this time, everyone knew about the seadwellers. It wasn't a new concept. It had been explored since the first seadweller was spotted, probably hundreds of years ago, to be honest. I was a fresh new 12-year-old, and me and Karkat had been down at the beach fucking around as our dads chatted and his mom took Kankri to get his braces on. Ha, Kankri with braces. Sucks to be him. Not that I was much better. Spit sucks when you have a full mouth of braces and a horrible lisp. Fucking Kankri only has to get his top teeth._

_After building shitty sandcastles and destroying each other's, we ended up just laying in the waves, talking about who was gonna get eaten by a shark first._

_"kk, iit would totally be you, you have more meat on your bone2 and you would be ea2iier to 2wallow."_

_"NO WAY. THEY WOULD TAKE YOU FIRST BECAUSE APPETISERS FIRST, RIGHT?"_

_"yeah whatever." I snorted and kicked sand at Karkat. He kicked sand right back and I ended up starting a sand war. Karkat stood up and ran off, and I got up and was hot on his heels, a handful of sand ready. Karkat's dad yelled something about not going too far off, like he always does. Karkat tripped, because it is really hard to run in sand, and I had to steer to the side to avoid him, only to slip and fall on him anyway._

_"OW." he yelped, shoving me off of him. I laughed my stupid nasally laugh and rolled over. "ASSHAT."_

_I mocked a gasp. "kk, 2uch rude langauge! what would your dad 2ay?"_

_"SHUT UP." He shoved at me, and sat up, looking over to where our fathers were sprawled out probably talking about some stupid adult thing. I looked over at the water, and saw someone submerge from the water. There wasn't really anyone else out, except another family, but the person didn't seem like they were from there._

_"kk."_

_"WHAT?"_

_"look over there." I pointed over toward the person, who was seemingly waiting for someone else. I mad eye contact with the girl and she went back under rather quickly. She didn't come back up for a while and me and Karkat kinda started freaking out._

_"SHIT, WHAT DO WE DO? IT DEFINITELY LOOKS LIKE SHE JUST DROWNED."_

_"oh god we have to go tell our dad2." I said, scrambling up and awkwardly sprinting towards my dad. When I got there, he looked up at me, confused, and as I caught my breath, Karkat came in behind me._

_"DAD, CRAP, SOMEONE JUST WENT UNDERWATER OVER THERE AND DIDN'T COME BACK UP." He got out before me. Both our dads scrambled up, looking towards where we were pointing. But they didn't rush out, they just looked skeptical. I looked over and this time saw two kids, probably around the same age as us, wading towards the shore._

_"Are you 2ure?" My dad asked._

_"no... that look2 liike who iit wa2..." I said, before turning and walking towards them. Karkat stayed behind, his dad warning him or something. I casually walked over to the two, but stopped when I got close enough that they looked at me. They both had these weird fins on their ears and — the male had his back angled to me — apparently fins on their back too. They both stared at me, looking a bit like deer in headlights. "uh, hii?" I asked, attempting to act nonchalant._

_The boy suddenly jumped, standing in front of the female, his rather large ear fins spread out, in what I assumed to look threatening. The girl peeked over his speckled shoulder, looking at me with curious, vivid pink eyes. The girl had long dark hair, that was brushed back. Her dark skin contrasted a lot with the boy's pale freckled skin. He had light blonde hair that was slicked back, and they both had glasses on their noses. I pushed up my own 3D glasses and eyes the male suspiciously._

_"who are you guy2?" I really expected the male to speak up, but the girl did first._

_"Oh, uh, we're Feferi," she motioned to herself, "and -Eridan!" she patted Eridan on his shoulder, smiling widely, still behind the other._

_"you aren't human... what are you?"_

_"tch, not evven gonna tell us your name first?" Eridan spat, titling his chin up, attempting to look down at me despite the fact I had inches on him._

_"fiine, i'm 2ollux."_

_"thollucth? wwhat kinda name is that?"_

_"2ollux. not fucking thollucth. ii just have a lii2p, geez." I sneered, crossing my arms over my chest. "2o what are you?"_

_"We're seadwellers! We live underwater." Feferi pointed out to the water, grinning from ear to ear._

_"oh, that make2 2en2e." They still hadn't moved from their position of blocking, and my dad came up behind me._

_"Okay, yeah, that'2 enough. Let'2 go, 2ollux. 2top aggravatiing people." He said, tugging on my arm. I looked over at him._

_"ii don't aggravate people!"_

_"2ollux, do you not 2ee them?"_

_"they aren't aggravated! they're ju2t wary, duh."_

_"Whatever. Iit doe2n't matter. We're leaviing 2ollux." He lifted the side of his mouth up, and I knew it was time to shut up and deal with it. I looked over my shoulder and waved at the girl, smiling slightly. She waved back enthusiastically, moving from behind her companion. I walked back forward, and when we got to Karkat and his dad, our fathers had some quiet conversation before Karkat's dad ushered us to go to the cars. He came with us, and we just waited outside of the vehicles, as my dad turned towards where the other kids were and walked over._

_I didn't actually know what happened after that, but we met them again, and that time there were taller versions of them, their siblings, and this time they were being introduced by my dad to us, and our older brothers. The news eventually spread that we now had seadwellers among us._

I pored out the water from the ramen noodles and pulled out two bowls, pouring an equal amount of noodles in each. Putting the pot in the sink, I picked up both bowls and walked over to the table, setting one in front of Eridan and smiling dorkily before sitting down and digging into my bowl.


	5. Hair-Dying

We didn't take too long, Eridan from whatever reason he was excited, and I was just a fairly messy and quick eater. After we set our bowls in the sink for future me to fuck around with (or Karkat as he lectures me about being a slob), I ushered Eridan out the door and down the stairs.

"wwhy must you havve so many fuckin stairs?" he complained when we were about halfway down.

"becau2e iit'2 an excu2e for people two not come over." I shrugged, "and iit wa2 faiirly cheap."

"wwell yeah, no one wwould wwant to go up a thousand flights a stairs just ta get home!"

"maybe ii do"

"i knoww you dont" Eridan looked back up at me with a challenging look. "i knoww you stay wwith kar a lot wwhen you refuse to go home"

"okay 2o yeah, maybe ii do, whatever." I flicked him on the nose, and he flinched back, turning back around. We made our way down the stairs, finally making it outside. I patted my car as we walked past. I don't really know why I kept my car, no one hardly drives here. It's a small town, and everyone walks a lot. Eridan gave me a look and rolled his eyes, muttering something about 'wworse than cro' and I scoffed. We chatted a bit on the ten minute walk to the library, just about nonsense and small talk. When we got to the library, I walked in and waved to Aranea. She was the librarian. I walked over to the blonde, and she stood up straighter and adjusted her glasses as we approached.

"Hello Sollux!" She greeted happily. "Actually need a 8ook this time, or are you coming to hack into the system again?" She raised an eyebrow. I chuckled, and waved it off.

"no, ed here need2 a job. do you 2tiill need help around here? ii heard you complaiiniing la2t week." I gestured to Eridan. Aranea brightened up.

"Of course! I can always use help!" She stood up from her seat behind the desk and walked around, brushing at her clothes. She held her hand out to Eridan. "I'm afraid I haven't officially met you yet! I'm Aranea." She smiled. Eridan shook her hand, returning the grin.

"yeah, i'vve heard meenah talk about ya." Eridan said. "im eridan."

"Oh yes! Meenah has 'glubbed' about you and Cronus." She giggled at the fish pun Meenah always uses. "Well, I guess we need to go 8ack into the office so we can get you all set up. Please follow me." And there they go. Two bookworms, off to find happiness in a job. Why am I fucking narrating like that, is this suddenly a fucking rom-com? Oh, shit, right, fourth wall. Just gotta patch that up, there we go. I shrug to myself as my mind turns to some weird shit. I decide to go look around at some books in the library, wandering through rows of bookshelves. 

I turned into a new isle, and nearly ran into a snooping Meenah. She shooshed me before I began speaking and cocked her hip, looking over me. Meenah was another one of the seadwellers, with fuschia tinted fins and dark skin like her younger version. She had practically the same face as Feferi, but was flatter than her sibling. She flipped one of her long dark braids over her shoulder, ending up with half of it draping off. "dont say a thing fishy" she said, peering around.

"what are you doiing here?"

"ssshhh shut up shoosh!" she pressed one of her fingers against my lips. "aranea doesnt know im here and it would be nice for her to not know!"

"why?" I managed from behind her manicured finger. 

"because you dork, im on a spy mission" she smacked me up-top the head before I could say anything and turned on her heel and walked to the other end of the row and peered around, before slipping off, her braid trailing behind her. 

I shook my head and scanned the books again before giving up and going to one of the computers in the library. I sat back in the chair and cracked my knuckles, but before I could stop typing, I heard someone clear their throat. I set my fingers on the keyboard and looked up to see Eridan with his hip cocked and a single eyebrow raised. Aranea stood behind him, chuckling lightly. I grinned stupidly at the two blondes and Eridan rolled his eyes while Aranea shook her head, turning and going back to the front desk. Eridan tsked at me, before turning on his heel as well and strolling off behind Aranea. He was still wearing my shirt.

And holy shit he looks ridiculous.

The shirt was barely long enough, and when he leaned on the counter, still discussing things with Aranea, it rose up just a centimeter over his pants. I looked away from the seadweller that was all over that damn counter, and glared at the computer. I could totally hack the system and make it look like all the Twilight books were checked out by Karkat. Oh hell yes I am doing this. I'll make them overdue as well. I opened my secretly stored hacking program and broke right into the system, entering Karkat's library card number — that I may or may not have memorized — and checked out all the books under his name. I couldn't get to the overdue issue, as I heard footsteps coming close and I quickly opened up a tab with Facebook, casually scrolling through my feed.

"so, facebook?" Eridan asked as he came to stand behind the chair. I shrugged.

"ii wa2 bored." I feigned a bored stare to him and he rolled his eyes.

"are you sure you nevver found somethin other than facebook to do? your typin wwas pretty loud and frantic." He challenged, resting his hand on his hip and cocking it again. I raised an eyebrow.

"oh yeah, ii wa2 talkiing to aa." Fuck, I could pull this off. Because I was actually talking to Aradia. Bam! Owned.

"mhmm, sure." he tugged at my shirt. "noww come on, you promised ta take me shoppin."

I groaned, "yeah, yeah - ii know." I closed out of my tabs and stood up, pushing the chair back under the desk. Eridan walked out of the library, and I followed, shoving my hands in my pants pocket. Eridan closed his hands together, his many rings clacking together. 

"so, wwhere is the nearest thrift store?" he asked, bubbly and excited. I chuckled at his childishness, and began walking. 

"it'2 actually only a couple block2 from here." I said, as he sped up to catch up. He slowed down when he got back to walking next to me and smiled. I rolled my eyes, and squinted at someone across the main road. Oh, it was Equius. I dunno how I didn't notice at first glance, the poor guy stuck out like a sore thumb. He was walking as straight-backed as always — almost jealous-worthy perfect posture — with his head tilted down and his straight long hair nearly enclosing his face. I frowned and looked away, kicking at a rock on the shitty sidewalk.

"howw long has nep been out noww?" Eridan asked from beside me. He must have seen Equius as well.

"about a month." I muttered. Nepeta, a cute little cat-lover, was in some kind of accident and has been in a coma for a while. Equius and Nepeta had hung out a lot, and were about as good as friends as you could find in this town. Ever since then, Equius has refused to really talk with anyone, and is usually only around his farm anymore, especially around his horses he adored so much. Not even Horuss, his older sibling, could get him to talk. We all kinda hoped and assumed Nep would get out of this, as she was too strong to go out like this. 

We made it to the thrift store and Eridan was practically bouncing on his heels. 

"youre really exciited about thii2 2hee2h." I opened the door for him and he walked in, giggling quietly. His fins were fanned out in happiness, his face a nice flush. 

"wwhale i havvent gotten neww clothes for like, years." he commented, grabbing my wrist and pulling me into the clothing section. 

I sputtered, "waiit, 2eriiou2ly?!" Eridan nodded, too distracted with the clothes to elaborate. "je2u2 chrii2t ed, you weren't kiiddiing about all that were you?" He gave me a 'well duh' look, before turning back. I left him to his clothing and decided to instead look at all the cool shit I could swoon Aradia with sometime. She loves all things to do with adventure and anything, and this thrift store had some pretty cool compasses and other nerdy Indiana Jones-esque stuff. I bit my lip, thinking about the fact I just got my paycheck last week and I only had about half of that left, and I still had to get actual food. 

I have a job and a decent apartment, sure, but I will admit I was spoiled with that. The person who owns the apartment is one of my dad's friends, and she's a really nice person, only making me pay about half the rent. It annoys the hell out of me that I couldn't even afford any kind of housing in this town, but I still had a place to sleep at night while Aradia is homeless, despite the fact I constantly urge her to live with me. Glancing over at ED, I prayed that he wouldn't spend too much money here. Maybe I was a little too nice, but that's all I ever learned from my dad. Put other people before yourself, but still complain like a bitch about your own predicament. 

I walked back over to Eridan, and he turned towards me, smiling. "i think im done." He said, his arm only covered in about 3 sets of clothing. I raised my eyebrow. 

"you know you can get more than three outfiit2?" He looked away and his earfins drooped.

"no, i cant, dont wworry about it." he waved me off and went to the register, setting the clothes down and pulling out his own wallet. I was about to protest, but he gave me a look and pulled out the only bill he had in his wallet, a 20. He handed it over to the cashier and fished around for a few coins. But he never actually got that far. The cashier lightly swatted his hand away, smiling to himself and handing him the bag with the clothes. 

"It's on me! Now go home, you two losers." I rolled my eyes, sighing. Obrehn, the cashier, was a nice guy, and always did this shit. I would make sure to fix his laptop for free the next time he smashes the screen, because he does that way too often. I waved to him as me and Eridan left, walking back to my apartment. 

When we arrived back home, Eridan immediately went and stole some of my clothes for 'comfy wear' and grinned shittily as he reclined on my chair, my clothes being way too long on him. 

"2o fiir2t you 2teal my clothe2, then you 2teal my chaiir? 2o fuckiing rude."

"i try." he droned in a mock posh voice, resting his hand on his chest. I rolled my eyes and threw the remote at him, more aimed at the chair of-course, and flipped him off.

"well ii'm goiing two bed, you can 2leep wherever."

"this early? it's only like 9."

"ii 2leep a lot. and ii have work iin the morniing, and 2o do you." He rolled his eyes and I went to my bedroom, falling asleep fairly quickly and unattractively.

In the morning, I woke up and started the new daily schedule of my day. Get out of bed, force ED awake, laugh at how he glubs in shock every goddamn time, flinching up and nearly socking me in the nose, feed the seahorse and cats, feed myself, go to work, work like always, visit the coffee shop, tick off Karkat, stall until going to the library to pick up ED, walk home, often accompanied by KK, eat food, do random shit, go back to sleep, repeat.

After getting back from work and walking back to my apartment with Karkat and Eridan, we ate some Chinese take-out Karkat ordered, and as we were finishing, and I was contemplating throwing noodles at Eridan and seeing if I could get one on his ear-fin, Eridan suddenly remembered something.

"oh hey, sol! didnt you wwant to hear about wwhat it wwas like underwwater?" he asked, turning to look at me, and I quickly shoved my chopsticks back in my noodles, which may or may not have been poised to fling at the seadweller. I nodded.

"yeah ii diid, becau2e of all that 2hiit about how you had liike no 2peciialtiies even though your royalty."

"WAIT, WHAT? SERIOUSLY? THAT'S SHITTY." Karkat piped up, looking between me and Eridan. Eridan nodded and shrugged.

"dunno wwhy you think that, but wwhatevver."

"okay, explaiin everythiing, and dont get boriing or you wiill get noodle2 iin your giill2." I threatened, pointing my chopsticks at him.

He grimaced. "please don't."

"ii wont iif you keep me entertaiined"

"OH SHUT UP SOLLUX. ERIDAN. TELL US."

"alright, alright, chill out. so anywway, wwhen wwe are first hatched from our little egg things, wwe actually havve to go through this thin called the broodin cavvern, wwhich is a trial so that no wweaklins wwho arent useful dont come through. dont givve me those fuckin looks, its a tradition. but after wwe get outta the broodin cavverns, wwe are taken in by so called 'parents', wwhen honestly they may not evven be at all related to ya, they just take ya in 'cause a your fin color. wwell i mean i guess somewwhere there is lineage relatin ya, but it could vvery wwell be your only related by the first evver seadwwellers there wwere- sol fuckin stop thats nasty. so yeah, ya get taken in, and dependin on wwho takes ya in determines wwhat your role in society is, so yeah. wwhatevver. me, being a prince, my dad wwas like king, wwhich is under the empress, and thats fef's mom, and yeah blah blah. it doesnt really matter wwhat you fuckin are, dowwn there its all fish for themselvves. wwe livved in a shipwwreck, and we hunted an shit, usual stuff. i mean, their aint much else to it, we just livved pretty much like scavengers, because theres a lot of fish that are bigger than us and sharks and shit. and wwhenevver it came to meetin other kingdoms for truces and wwhatevver, we had like special outfits for that shit, and howw healthy you looked also decided howw healthy your kingdom wwas, because evven tho i said it wwas evvery fish for 'imself, kingdoms usually made sure those a us wwho are in need get wwhat they need, just nevver actually risking livves or shit. just givving extra food wwhen you got a good catch, and passin dowwn old clothes that dont fit ya anymore."

"HOLY SHIT, THAT IS NEVER HOW I EXPECTED IT."

"wwhat did you expect? the little mermaid?"

"okay 2o ii totally diid and ii feel a2 though iim not the actual only iidiiot 2o."

"oh my cod, wwhatevver. noww you knoww. so dont go treatin me like i dont knoww shit, because trust me, i fuckin knoww shit."

"NOTED." Karkat shoved the last of his noodles in his face and threw the container in the trash. Literally threw it. The guy played basketball in highschool just to spite the jerks who dared to call him too short. Hit it off the wall and right into the basket. Fucking show off. 

We finished eating and had boring chit-chat until Eridan passed out and Karkat left. I would explain the rest of our week but it was fairly boring and uneventful, because unfortunately my life isn't too impressive. Fourth wall? Yeah no, fuck that. It can fuck off and deal with it.

After maybe a month, we had all actually managed to settle into our new life plans. And now, today, we were all lounging around and Karkat decided to plop down on the couch, on top of me. I groaned and he rolled his eyes, rather his whole head, and growled. 

"why mu2t you 2iit on me kk?" I whined.

"BECAUSE YOU TOOK UP THE ENTIRE COUCH WITH YOUR SHITTY COMPUTER." He snarled at me, moving around to get comfortable.

"iit'2 not my computer a22hole." I corrected, swatting at his head. 

"YEAH I KNOW, SHUT UP. BUT IT DOESN'T NEED IT'S OWN FUCKING PLACES ON THE COUCH." He complained, picking up a wire and tossing it into the pile of computer pieces. The computer was Dave's, as he managed to get one of his brother's shitty broken laptops and told me to try and fix it. I only agreed because he offered to give me Roxy's number because she's practically a better hacker than I was and I needed help with something. 

"well then tell dave ii cant fiix iit."

"BUT WE ALL KNOW YOU CAN, YOU'RE JUST TOO GODDAMN LAZY TO DO SO."

"okay 2o yeah that'2 very true."

"WHY DON'T YOU, I DON'T KNOW, PUT IT SOMEWHERE ELSE?"

"two much work."

"OF COURSE IT IS." He snarled at me again. I puffed up my cheeks and set my chin on his head. I ruffled his hair and grinned.

"hey kk~"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT?" 

"you're haiir ii2 growiing."

"NO DUH, DIPSH- SHIT IS IT SHOWING?" He ducked his head out from under my chin, tugging at his hair.

"yeah."

"FUCK. I DIDN'T GET ANYMORE HAIR-DYE, FUCK." He pulled out his phone to use as a mirror and I snickered. KK had naturally silver-blonde hair and red eyes because he was an albino, just like his brother, but he didn't accept it like his sibling did. He even went to the extent to wear colored contacts because he hated it so much. When he first expressed resentment for it, apparently his dad was really fucking nice and accepting, so by the time they moved to this town, Karkat already looked completely different than his pictures as a little toddler. 

"hair dye? wwhats your natural color?" oh shit. Eridan didn't know, ha. Ha fucking ha. Sucks to be Karkat. He tensed a bit and sneered.

"NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS."

"oh noww i havve to knoww." Eridan sat up in his chair, raising an eyebrow at Karkat. 

"here, kk, we can all get our haiir dyed. ed'2 purple ii2 growiing out and ii totally want red and blue tiip2."

"OF COURSE YOU FUCKING DO." He gave me a look and I stuck my tongue out. "ANYTHING TO LOOK COMPLETELY WEIRD, RIGHT?"

"defiiniitely." I wiggled my bifurcated tongue, with piercings in today, and waggled my eyebrows. 

"FUCKING NERD."

"sounds great lets fuckin do it."

"hell ye2. riight now, come on." I stood up, knocking Karkat off my lap, laughing as he landed on his ass.

"FUCKING RUDE."

"2hut up." We all got decent, as two thirds of us were only half dressed, and I called Kanaya, because she's good at this hairdying shit. She confirmed she wasn't busy at that point, but that Rose was with her, and that she would love to help us. We went to the store and Eridan basically told us what to get because he apparently knew this shit too. We walked to Kanaya's house, making fun of each other along the way.

Eridan figured out Karkat's natural hair color and of course had to ask one question. "so you and kankri are both albinos?" And of course Karkat nearly punched him with the stupidity of the question. 

When we got to Kanaya's elegant, goddamn fancy house, Karkat walked right in because they're like siblings, they're so close. I followed after, and Eridan hesitated before assuming it was perfectly fine to walk in as well. 

"KANAYA. WE'RE FUCKING HERE."

"Yes, So I Heard. Please Wait A Minute." Kanaya's smooth voice came from somewhere in her house. She eventually stepped out of a bathroom and waved us over. We entered the rather spacious bathroom, with elegant greens complimenting dark browns and light undertones. We set all of our stuff on the large counter area, and Kanaya expressed content in the products Eridan had us get. Probably because we were all poor and she didn't expect us to know shit.

Rose and Kanaya ended up flitting around me the most because I had to bleach my tips and then get to the actual dying part, and I already dropped the bleaching thing so Kanaya refused to let me do it anymore. I watched everyone in the giant mirror that covered up most of the wall above the sink. Eridan was spreading the dye at his roots with practiced ease, but with a cute determined look. Okay so yeah, I'm staring at two dorks dying their hair and I can't help but notice how fucking beautiful both of them were.

Yeah, Kanaya and Rose were both beautiful, dressed in their fashionable elegant yet gothic looks, but damn these boys. Eridan had actually stolen one of Karkat's sweaters that he left at my house, and it hung looser than most of his clothes, but he tucked it in his ripped — my old jeans — skinny ass pants, because he is curvier than I was when those fit. He was leant over the edge of the counter to get closer to the mirror, his blonde locks pooling around his face apart from the section he was dying. I could see him biting his lip slightly in concentration, his impossibly violet eyes narrowed behind his thick hipster glasses. The freckles just kinda added to the entire young look to him. It was fucking unfair how beautiful seanerds were.

Karkat had less of the whimsical 'mythical species' look to him of course, but he still look un-natural, his black dyed hair a large contrast to his pale skin. He had rounder features because he was a very lazy ass who couldn't give any less of a shit on weight watching. He was chubby and curvy, I will admit that with no shame or secretism, because he knows and complains about it loudly everyday. He has an ever present scowl under his mob of ridiculous hair, but he occasionally lets the rude front go and I can find the softness underneath that could never hurt an animal and could melt a heart if he tried. His contacts make his eyes a dark gray, but I've seen the red-pink color they are from albinism, and while I absolutely fucking love them he isn't a fan of them unfortunately. Some people don't know how to accept the unnatural like I have.

I look back at the progress made on your head, and see the red half done with. I comment with some slightly sarcastic, mostly true compliment to the ladies with a horrible flirt for good measure. Rose swats at my shoulder and I chuckle, leaning down on the counter. I keep eye contact with myself for a moment, before taking another sweeping look at the two idiots I'm stuck with in life now.

 

I find that I actually like the idea of being with them for as long as possible.

I shrug it off, because it's not like they feel the same at all.


	6. Sloppy Makeouts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!
> 
> Ya know, if like nothing makes sense, you can ask and I'll try to explain! I apologize for me and my scatterbrained mind mixed with Sollux P.O.V.
> 
> Edit!: So I created basic references of what EriSolKat Faces look like!  
> http://diddlydorkshire.tumblr.com/post/139438979451/my-sollux-eridan-and-karkat-human-versions-from  
> (The second image is their casual wear, like around the aparment))

"wwhat the hell are ya doin'?" A smooth voice asked from behind me. I was sat at my desk, playing World of Warcraft — yeah ii'm that much of a nerd *ga2p* —, and Eridan had been watching me for at least the past minute.

"well riight now? ii'm contemplatiing haviing fii2h diick for diinner." I regretted saying that. So bad. Eridan burst out laughing behind me, and Loo stirred on my lap, licking at my pant leg as if to apologize for letting me fuck up so bad.

"oh my cod sol, your face!" he finished his giggle fit after a minute and I rolled my eyes. "you looked so fuckin mortified after you said that, you nerd." He wiped accumulating tears from behind his glasses and let out a last breathy chuckle. 

"ii ju2t never realiized how horriible my braiin two mouth fiilter i2." I shrugged, picking up where I left off in my game. Eridan giggled again behind me — that stupid fucking adorable giggle — and leaned down to rest his chin on my head.

"so again, wwhat are ya doin?" He asked again. I shrugged.

"ju2t fuckiing around liike alway2."

"okay yeah wwhatevver i don't actually care." Despite saying that, I could feel his eyes watching my character on screen. "but ya knoww wwhat?" I know it's not intended for me to actually ask what, "i think... wwe should all go on a date."

"why?" I asked incredulously. 

"because it wwould be fun. me, you, and kar, just goin to see one a his stupid movvies or somethin." He rested his arms on my head and twirled some of his stupid rings around on his fingers.

"you know you liike hii2 moviie2 two."

"shut up, but ya knoww wwhat i mean? kar's been in a pissy mood a lot lately and i think it wwould help ta just havve a nice day for once."

"he'2 been iin a pi22y mood becau2e kankrii'2 moviing iin wiith your brother and he ha2 two fiind a place."

"yeah i knoww, sol. im not fuckin dense." He huffed and I could feel the magnitude of a pout. 

"2o maybe we 2houldn't plan hii2 tiime away when he need2 two fiind a place." I pointed out.

"ugh but you dont havve ta look for an apartment all day, do ya?" 

"kk ha2 two. iit'2 not alway2 you get piitiied by a douche and end up moochiing off of hiim."

"hey! i am fuckin payin ta livve here noww!" He defended.

"you weren't the fiir2t month." 

"yeah but i am noww."

"2tiill. my poiint 2tand2."

"ughh." He groaned, "wwhy can't he just livve wwith us, then? wwe could all movve into that apartment that opened up abovve us. it has plenty a room, and wwith all three a us payin, it wwouldn't be too hard to afford wwould it?"

Okay, he had a point. That could work. I weighed it in my head and shrugged. "ii gue22 you could briing that up wiith him." 

Eridan perked up. "an this is wwhy wwe need to havve a date! im gonna go call kar, dont starvve in the meantime." And he walked out, pulling out his phone.

I stopped moving my character around and leaned back in my chair, petting Loo. He began to purr steadily, and I sighed. If I ever thought up this happening in my life 5 years ago, I would have been a pretty good fucking writer. I figured I would just be a computer nerd who always lived alone and stayed in an apartment I couldn't technically afford.

But the two monsters of Eridan and Karkat are fucking that idea over. And I can't say I'm unhappy about it. Honestly, I would say I have taken a liking to them. Well. I've always kinda liked Karkat since we were kids and he still had more baby fat then muscle, and I guess that never really wore off. We have a pretty close relationship, ever since he kinda stuck with me after they moved here and my dad and his dad became buds. During that time, I was always forced around with my dad so that I wouldn't become an antisocial worm — look where that got me — and Karkat hated spending time with his hormonal older brother. 

I was probably one of the most relatable kids to Karkat. You see, Karkat, is Hispanic. It's not obvious because of his albinism, but when you see his parents, you start to question your sanity. Apparently his parents both had the albinism gene, and bam, they have two albino kids. Now normally that's fine and dandy, but then, oh look, a bunch of Hispanic kids who get racist and call them 'white people', when they are, in fact, not. Silas — Daddy Vantas — got stressed and now they live here. And I never really brought up racist crap — not even in jokes — and so Karkat felt I guess comfortable around me. Racist crap even makes me uncomfortable. I'll put it bluntly, I look pretty asian, and that doesn't help the school-life stress of 'you need to perform well'.

But yeah, I have had this tiny little crush on Karkat ever since the day I was hit in the face with a brick that said 'wow you're not straight' when I realized that wow, I'd tap the ass of about any gender. And I mean, I'm not good with romance shit, so I'm pretty fucking great at acting pretty normal about it. But yeah that crush isn't small anymore, jus' sayin'.

I guess Eridan's attractive too. And a pain in the ass, but that's slightly appealing. Yeah I have issues. A lot of issues. Who falls in love with two people? Well surely lots of people. But the thing is, I don't want to be in a romantic escapade with only one of them, because then the package deal is just shot out of the sky. Eridan and Karkat are close too, and on a more deep emotional scale than I could ever deal with. Emotions are shit and hit me way too hard when they actually hit me and it's stupid as hell. But other people have them differently than I do and I will respect that.

Love is shitty too, but that's probably the calmest emotion I have.

So Eridan's been living in my apartment for two months now, and he already has plans for all of us to move. This is gonna be such a fun fucking life. 

Eridan struts in with Sis in his arms and a giant grin on his face. "wwell kars okay wwith goin out ta see a movvie." He pets Sis and his face falls. "and by goin out i mean sittin on your fuckin couch."

"of cour2e he wouldn't want two 2ee anythiing iin the actual theatre." I rolled my eyes and poked Loo just to annoy him. "don't you know he hate2 anythiing 2ociial."

"yeah wwhatevver. so yeah he's comin ovver asap." Eridan plopped down on my bed and spooked Sis lightly, but he calmed down and curled up on Eridan's chest.

"ii can never get over the iirony of the fact that 2ii2 ha2 taken 2uch a liikiing two you, and you're a fii2h." I sniggered. Eridan's earfins fluttered in annoyance as he rolled his eyes.

"you need to stop fixin davve's fuckin shitty computers. you're turnin into him ya piece a shit." he sneers. He sits back up, moving Sis to his lap. "and wwe need another cat."

"why the fuck do we need another cat?"

"because i wwant to be covvered in cats."

"they're goiing two eat you."

"no they wwont, shut up." He gathered Sis up in his arms again and leaves the room again, going into his room — the only other bedroom that used to hold all your boxes you never unpacked. That room is completely full of weird stuff now, that he apparently begged Cronus to get for him. Walking in there was like walking into another realm, with a bunch of strange seadweller things and other nonsense I couldn't wrap my head around. There was a lot about Eridan nobody knew, even though we all acted like stuck up assholes who did know everything.

It only took around a half hour for Karkat to show up, barging in and sarcastically calling, 'HONEY I'M HOME'. Eridan reappeared from his room, and went to the main room, being way overdramatic and hugging Karkat. I trudged into the room and plopped down on the couch. After getting out of a death hug, Karkat sat down next to me and Eridan went to put in whatever movie it was. He then sat down — on top of both of you.

"WHAT THE FUCK, ERIDAN?" Karkat questioned, before a hand was slapped over his mouth. 

"shhhh" Eridan picked up the xBox controller and hit play on the movie screen. He quickly pulled his hand back when Karkat went to bite him. 

"he'2 ju2t becomiing a cat, don't worry about iit kk." They both looked at me like I lost 200 iq points, and I smirked. "ii thiink 2ii2 biit hiim, and now he'2 becomiing a were-cat fi2h per2on." Karkat snorted and Eridan rolled his eyes, batting at my face to shut me up.

"you're a nerd." I looked over to the movie and raised an eyebrow. 

"2ay2 the one who ii2 watchiing harry potter for the umpteenth tiime." I snarked back at him.

"oh shut up its a great movvie. except for their portrayal of seapeople."

"WELL THIS WAS WRITTEN BEFORE YOUR SORRY ASS CAME ALONG." Karkat griped. "AND I KNOW YOU DID NOT DRAG ME OUT OF MY SOON TO BE NOT HOME TO WATCH HARRY POTTER AGAIN."

"okay so yeah there wwas another reason." Eridan pouted. "you spoilsport." Karkat rolled his eyes and motioned to get on with it. "so i wwas thinkin, like an hour ago, that wwe should all go and livve in the next floor apartment. ivve seen it, and it wwould be big enough to accommodate all a us." The fishdork started.

"WAIT, SOMEONE ACTUALLY MOVED OUT OF THIS APARTMENT? I THOUGHT NO ONE EVER LEFT THIS BUILDING ALIVE?" Yeah, so there was hardly ever anyone moving out of this building. I got into this apartment because the guy before moved down into an apartment where some lady died.

"no, 2he ju2t moved iinto the apartment where the cat lady u2ed two liive." I corrected.

"THE ONE WHO WAS EVICTED?"

"yeah." Karkat made a sound of understanding and turned back to Eridan.

"SO, I MEAN I GUESS THAT COULD WORK. GOD FORBID I CAN'T FIND ANYWHERE ELSE I CAN ACTUALLY AFFORD ON MY OWN." Eridan clapped in his weird happy way of clapping and perked up.

"that settles it then! wwe're movvin!" He got up off of us and pulled out his phone. "sol, go call the land lady, kar, go pack all a youre shit up, and ill call cro ta help us!" He dialed away and as soon as Cronus answered, he started chattering away, dashing into his room. 

"ew now ii have two talk two people." I groaned, sinking into the couch. I pulled out my own phone and got Rosa's contact up. Karkat shrugged and walked into the kitchen to raid my food supply. I called Rosa.

"Hello Sollux, What may be the issue?" She asked over the phone. I explained to her what Eridan was planning.

"2o, what'2 the full priice?" I asked.

"Well, I can give you a discount price if you may need it. Though, I do suppose with three people, You'll be well of, If I am assuming correctly?"

"yeah no we wont need iit, we got thii2." 

"Alright." She chuckled. "It's $1500 per month." 

"okay... 2eem2 good. ii gue22 we'll take iit?" 

"Will do. I will need you out of your current apartment by... Friday. Does that sound alright to you?"

There was a knock on the door and I let Cronus in, who carried a bunch of boxes. He smiled at me and set the boxes down. "yeah that'll defiiniitely be fiine." I told Rosa.

"You're sure? It's not too rushed?" She asked, worried.

"oh tru2t me, we'll be iin by then. eriidan'2 already got an army ready two move." Rosa giggled over the line. We went on to discuss the price of everything else to do with bills and shit, and all that fun stuff. In the meantime, Cronus came back up a couple times with more boxes.

"Well then. I will see you soon, Sollux."

"have a niice day, ro2a." And then I hung up. "how the hell do you already have thii2 many boxe2 anyway?"

"vwell i snatched a bunch from the repair shop. vwe get shipments a shit ewvery vweek." He shrugged and went out the door to grab some more boxes. "youre stairs are a pain in the ass!" He called out behind him.

I decided to trail after him, and Karkat ended up in suit. "SO DID WE ACTUALLY SCORE THE APARTMENT?" 

"yeah, of cour2e we diid." Karkat sighed in half relief, half 'fuck everything'.

"NOW WE GET TO MOVE, WHOOPDIE-FUCKING-DOO." 

"at lea2t a lot of the 2hiit ii2 only goiing up one floor."

"YEAH, FOR YOU. ASSHOLE." When we got to the main level and out of the apartment building, Karkat branched off to walk to his house. I waved him off and he flipped me off in return, and I helped Cronus grab some more boxes from the back of the truck he had. It was probably one of his co-workers, because he only had a motorcycle. We grabbed the last of the boxes, and as we went back up to the apartment, we ran into Eridan.

"too late ta help chief, vwe got all of em." Cronus said, blowing a tuft of hair out of his eyes. Eridan shrugged and instead asked for the information on the new apartment. I explained all the shit to him as we walked. We got into the apartment and Eridan opened the door for us, and I unceremoniously dumped the boxes on my couch, and on top of Loo. It may or may not have been on purpose, don't worry about it. 

And we started packing. I'm not gonna recall all the stupid shit of packing, just know that there was a lot of miscommunication and people getting angry, and Karkat wasn't even here for that. Packing was the easy part though. We basically took the rest of the day, and some last minute packing in the morning. We were surprisingly speedy in shoving shit into boxes, so we went ahead and started moving boxes. Cronus had to work at first so it was only me and Eridan, but after Cronus was done with his quick repair of some guy's boat, he came back with Meenah and Feferi in tow.

We didn't end up moving much that Sunday, but eh. We had a week left. Me and Eridan continued moving after getting home from our jobs on Monday, and Karkat joined after a while, bringing up his belongings. Yesterday he and Kankri had moved Kankri's shit into Cronus's apartment, and Kankri finished that up and joined us soon after. With the help of all the fish idiots, some from Aradia — though I didn't want to keep her from her money making job — the Makara gang, and the the Zahhak's, we got moved into the new apartment in about 5 days. 

I flopped down on the couch when everyone finally left and Karkat sat down next to me, his jumbo hermit crab nestled in his hair. I wouldn't trust any kind of crab in my hair, but Karkat's weird, so. Eridan walked in with Loo and Sis and set them down in the new apartment. We hadn't moved them until now so it wasn't quite a hassle and so they wouldn't get into any of the tanks while they weren't in places yet. 

"THANK THE FUCKING GODS WE'RE DONE NOW." He took the words right out of my mouth.

"all we have two do now ii2 unpack all of our 2hiit." I groaned.

"THAT CAN WAIT FOR A FUCKING BIT. I'M DONE WITH ALL THIS SHIT." Karkat pulled the crab out of his hair and let it rest on his hand. Sis decided to choose that moment to walk over my lap and sniff at the crab in Karkat's palm. Loo could apparently care less as he decided to jump into a box and topple it over. The crab seemed fairly calm for the new environment and cats, but Karkat got up and put it back in its tank anyway. Sis trailed after him, watching the crab. He nudged him away with his foot and walked back over to the couch. Eridan sat down on the other end of the couch and sighed. 

"cod its nice to be done"

"tell me about iit."

"SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW, ASSHATS?" Karkat grumbled from his side of the couch. "WE DON'T HAVE INTERNET OR CABLE YET." 

"that'2 comiing later twoday." 

"wwell there kar, that settles that."

"SHUT UP."

"well ii'm goiing two go 2leep, 2o bye you nerd2." I stood up and picked up Loo and Sis and walked to my room, flopping down on the bed. Loo curled up on my chest and Sis curled up to the side of me. I expected them to want to explore more, but apparently they're as exhausted as I am. I stared at the ceiling until I finally blacked out, glad the stress of moving was over.

 

We adjusted pretty well into the new apartment. It wasn't much different living with Karkat, as before he did practically live with us anyway.

I invited Aradia over one day, and we were playing the LEGO Indiana Jones game, when it got eerily quiet in Eridan's room. Him and Karkat were in there, watching a movie or something. But I think the movie ended a while ago and they were just chatting. But now it was strangely quiet. I paused the game real quick and Aradia turned towards me.

"s0mething wr0ng?" She asked, brushing her hair out of her face. I listened for a second. 

"they got really quiiet..." I said. Aradia frowned and looked towards the room. 

"d0 they never get quiet?" She asked. I gave her a look.

"karkat and eriidan gettiing quiiet whiile iin the 2ame room ii2 about a2 bad a2 damara and rufiioh gettiing quiiet iin the 2ame room." Aradia suddenly got a determined look as she took that example.

"then i will d0 the adventur0us duty 0f seeing what happened." She looked towards me with the biggest grin ever. "i need an a partner, s0llux." She giggled happily when I rolled my eyes and stood up, and I got up much slower than her. She took the lead and snuck over to the room, dodging imaginary booby traps and then settling herself against the wall next to the door. I just walked after her, making my steps quiet to make her happy. She put her fingers into a pistol shape and just stood there.

Then she motioned towards my hands with her 'pistol'. I sighed quietly and put my hands into a pistol as well. She smiled ever bigger, before putting on a very stern face. She slowly turned the door handle and pushed the door open quickly, busting in with her pistol waving around.

Then she gasped and a blush crept along her face. I peeked in and nearly fell over laughing. Not because of what was happening, but everyone's faces.

"w0w uh. i was expecting y0u t0 be asleep. but, this is a new revelati0n." Aradia slowly put down her 'pistol' and giggled, seeing me red in the face. "s0llux, what are y0u even laughing at?" She asked in her giggles.

"everyone'2 face2 oh my god." I slowly came down from my laughter high, and looked back into Eridan's room to see the two separated on each end of the bed, bright red and panting in Karkat's case. Eridan's fins wouldn't stop fluttering either.

"WOW, OKAY, YEAH, WE'RE SO FUCKING FUNNY. WITH OUR SHITTY SURPRISED FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. NOW COULD YOU KINDLY GET THE FUCK OUT?" Karkat piped up, wiping drool off his lip. 

"you knoww, i uh, i think im gonna go feed seahorsded." Eridan suddenly shot up and bolted out of the room, maneuvering between me and Aradia. 

Aradia let a shit-eating grin adorn her face. "did we interrupt right bef0re y0u g0t t0 the-"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING START." Karkat growled.

"the what aa? ii don't thiink ii get iit." I matched Aradia's grin.

"DON'T FUCKING SAY IT."

"the sexy sex?" Aradia broke off giggling and Karkat groaned loudly, throwing a pillow at the adventurer, his face 69% more red. She dodged the pillow and I wrapped an arm around her for support from laughing. 

"man kk ii'm 2orry we iinterupted what would have been great butt2ex." 

"SOLLUX, SHUT THE FUCK UP. GO PLAY YOUR FUCKING INDIANA JONES GAME. I'M GONNA GO MAKE SURE ERIDAN DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKING BRAIN ANEURYSM, THANKS." He got up off of the violet bed sheets and pushed past us, following Eridan. I looked at Aradia and we both laughed again, and I drug her back to the living room. I plopped down on the floor again and she giggled a last time before sitting down with a smile.

"are we really s0rry?" She asked. I shook my head.

"defiiniitely not. iif they really expected two get away wiith sloppy makeout2 wiith u2 here, they need two relearn the 'guiide two 2urviiviing ara2ol'." She nodded in response and we continued to play Indiana Jones. 

I couldn't help but wonder if they would actually become a thing, because I can assure you, that's probably the only thing I need in my life. 

Aside from being in that relationship of course.


	7. Hoo boy, please read if you care about this fic

Alright so  
This is/was a pretty popular writing of mine but it's been  
Well  
Years  
Since I wrote it.  
So.  
Continuing it is tough. The writing is bad compared to what I write now and if I were to continue this, I feel like I would need to rewrite it. So I guess. If this gets enough positive feedback, I'll rewrite it and continue the story.  
It'll still be as sarcastic, have similar jokes, and be full of angst, but it will be better written and will move a lot quicker due to me knowing what I will actually do with it.   
Just, hmu with comments if you want this or not.


End file.
